Remembering
by Fatal
Summary: A man awakes to find that he doesn't know where he is, why he's there, or even who he is. All alone in the dark, as he tries to remember, pieces of life coming back to him, leaving him even more confused then before.
1. Prologue

The man awoke to pitch dark, he strained his eyes to see anything about his surroundings, but found it impossible to see anything. He remained quite quiet, hoping to hear something. Suddenly, the stillness of wherever he lay was shattered by screaming; horrific, blood curding screaming. The man was quite sure it was someone in pain, or in fear. He tried to stand, and found himself too weak to do so. He desperately wanted to know where he was, to know who was screaming.

He felt his surroundings with his hands. The floor was damp, and felt of cool mud, the walls jagged wet stone. There was nothing else, except strong, think chains. Chains, he realized, that were bolted to the wall. He followed them with his hand, being taken completely off guard when he found that the other ends were bound to his ankles.

What was this horrid place, and why was he here? He started to panic, pulling frantically at the chains, trying to rip them off his ankles. He started to scream along with the other voice, knowing for certain now that the other person was also screaming from fear. The man screamed for what seemed like hours, until he noticed a small block of white light near what he figured was the ceiling.

He stopped screaming, and looked up, and saw a window. Almost as big as his head, it was the most welcoming site he could remember seeing. He tried to stand again, this time using the jagged wall as support. He managed but felt his knees start to shake, and his legs began to give. He pulled himself up more with his arms, but it was only seconds before he realized that they also wouldn't hold on. He let his body collapse to the damp floor, but was comforted by the presence of the window.

He knew so well the light of the full moon, which was what shone through the small window now. He didn't know why or how come it felt so important to him, but somewhere in his past, he felt somehow attached to the moon.

He was also comforted by the fact that the moon was there, which meant he wasn't so far from any place that he knew that he could be in any real danger. But then, how often had he thought this recently?

Why though? Why did he feel like he's been in danger recently? Why couldn't he remember? _Think, man, think! _He pressured to himself, but no answers came. So, he settled down to watch the small patch of white drift farther down the far wall as the moon rose higher and higher.

Eventually, the shaft of light fell on a door. The man shuddered almost instantly, for it was not a friendly door. It looked like a jail door. Cold, black, iron bars ran vertically from the ceiling to the floor and mixed with the random horizontal bar. No, it didn't look like a jail door it _was_ a jail door.

Suddenly, the man remembered. He knew where he was. With that memory, instant fear washed over him, and he passed out, and fell hard against the jagged stonewall, cutting a large gash in his head in the process.

The man awoke later. He didn't know how much time had passed, but knew that he was bleeding. The blood had run down his face, and was matted through his long, black hair and through his beard. He wiped it from his eyes, and felt the cut. It was really deep, and would need healing. Healing he could manage, it was a simple spell. He felt about for his wand in the dark, and not finding it, he instantly remembered (for the second time that evening) where he was. He wouldn't have his wand here; he'd probably never see it again. He only choice was to call out for help. He shuddered at the thought, as he knew what would come to his aid.

The air was rather still again, whoever had been screaming before no longer was. Had they fallen asleep, no longer able to fight the fear, or had they died? The man didn't wish to know the answer to that, so he stopped thinking about it to call out for help. None came. Disgruntled, the man ripped off a piece of his shirt, and tied it around his head.

That was when the nightmare became completely real. The shirt which he had ripped the bond from was not his own. He could tell by the feel, he never wore thin clothes like that in October. Someone, or something, had changed his clothes. He strained his eyes in the dim morning light, and saw the faint outline of black and white bars running across the shirt. His eyes traveled farther and saw the same pattern on his pants.

_No. It's all a dream, just a dream. I'll close my eyes, and when I wake up, I'll be lying in my own bed, in my own clothes, and this will all just be a memory._ With that, the man drifted to sleep, believing that it was all just a dream.

But what he took to be a dream was a nightmare, one that he would never forget.


	2. A Memory

During his sleep, the man was restless. Flashes on life came to him like fragments of many broken plates. They never quite fit together, but to be complete each fragment relied on the next. When he woke up, he wouldn't remember any of it, but it was a new day, and the man would eventually remember everything, including who he was.

The man woke up slowly and left out a large yawn. He stretched his arms, and heard his back crack. _Just like every other morning,_ he thought to himself as he went to stand up from his bed. The only problem was that there was no bed. Slowly the man's eyes came into focus, and he screamed. What he had convinced himself to believe was a dream, was reality. It didn't make sense. He didn't know why he was in that place, a place he thought he knew about in the back of his mind. From what he remembered, this was a bad place, where wizards and witches went when they wronged. _Have I wronged? If so, how? Have I performed an unforgivable curse...?_

His last thought trailed off, somewhere in the back of his mind, another memory came to him. He focused on it, but it was gone almost as swiftly as it had arrived. _Could I have performed an unforgivable curse? Why would I do that? Did I kill someone?_

"I WANT SOME ANSWERS!" He bellowed into the empty cell, and sat listening as it bounced down the corridor outside his cell. No reply came. Not even the screaming from the night before. Determined to find out why he was here, he yelled out again. "CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? TELL ME WHY I'M HERE! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE, PLEASE, SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I'M HERE!" Still, no answers, but he wouldn't give up. He spent the better part of the day yelling for someone. He screamed until he was hoarse, and that was when the first real memory came back to him. He had just finished yelling, and had trailed off in quiet voice "What have I done?" It was those words, uttered from his mouth once before, that took him back.

_He saw a man, him, presumably, kneeling in a pile of rubble, crying. No, crying was a bad way to explain it, the man was bawling. Yet, at the same time, muttering incoherent sentences, like the ramblings of a madman. "What have I done? How could this happen. I will kill him for this. He'll suffer the way they did. I'll never rest until I have his head. What have I done?"_

_Suddenly, there was a noise behind the man, someone walking towards him. He turned, and saw an enormous man standing there, tears in his eyes as well. "I didn't mean to Hagrid... I never knew." The man muttered._

_The one he called Hagrid seemed not to notice what he said, but simply walked over to him and placed a large hand on his shoulder. The man buckled under the pressure, but said nothing. It was not the time to mention such trivial things._

"_Yeh all righ' there?" Hagrid asked him. "It's a sad thin,' but Dumbledore wants the lil' tyke gone before ...he... comes back." The large man finished._

"_Of course, Hagrid, Dumbledore will know best. Here, take that." The man said, pointing a finger over his shoulder. "I won't need it where I'll be going."_

_Hagrid looked at him confused, but said nothing. The man knew that this giant sized man didn't know, and he would have liked to keep it that way. The man turned and walked away, tears streaming freely down his face._

The man was in his cell again. For whatever had happened, it had been his fault, and that was why he was here now. He just wished he could have remembered more. What he wouldn't give to know what he'd done to deserve such a fate.

It was now bright in the cell, and the man could finally see. There was nothing in it, except him and the chains. He looked out the door, and saw a cell facing his. He craned his neck to see if it was occupied. It was. The man set back quickly, not wanting to seem nosey.

"So, it is true than, what they're saying on the block. They're dead, and it's yours entire fault." The man in the opposite cell sneered, but seeing the look of regret on the man's face, he shook his head. "Of course, how many of us aren't in heres for murder? Name's Pondex, pleased to meets you." The man was about to stammer his name, which is when he realized that he didn't know it.

"Ah, no needs to introduce yourself. I know whos you are. True servant to the Dark Lord you are, rights in his inner circle. His favorite, some even says." Pondex scoffed, "You don't looks like someone who might entertain the company of the Dark Lord, and you certainly don't sounds like one." Seeing the look of disbelief on the man's face, Pondex continued, "Yeah, we heards you screaming last night. Nah, don't worry; it happens to the best of peoples in this place. But, I guess that's why we're heres, because we're not exactly the bests of people. You're a right quiet chap, ain't yeh?"

The man simply nodded, and turned his back on Pondex. He heaved a sigh, and felt the makeshift bandage on his head. From behind him, he heard Pondex whispering to someone. The man realized Pondex must have had a cellmate, so he turned around in interest.

Pondex wasn't whispering to a cellmate, however, he was just whispering to the people in the cells on either side of him. The man noticed how Pondex's cell had a place large enough to stick his head out of, his own cell didn't.

Pondex noticed him with his head stuck out, and looked at him quickly. "Nah, yous don't get one. You're a high security prisoner, too much risks. Tells ya what though; how's about you let me introduce you to some buddies of mine. On my left, your right is Jim. He's only in here for a small joint, just a few months. Got caught Muggle Baiting, didn't ya, Jim?" Pondex asked, jerking his head in Jim's direction.

"Right as uhhh, rain." Was all Jim said.

"And on your left, is Wallace. Here's we calls him Hoot, because he resembles an owl so much. What you in for Hoot? Oh yeah, I forgets. You stole all them wands from Olivanders a ways back, and then sold 'em off to all the First Years at Hogwarts. Created lots of havoc he has, he's got one long spell in here. What's it now, Hoot? You's must be up to at least five years now, right?" Pondex finished.

"I was just having a little fun was all, honest. But, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir." Wallace said, as he swept low in a bow directed towards the man in the cell. The man who knew more about these people than he did himself.

"And I's, well, boy, I tells ya, it'll be a cold day in hell before I gets out of this place. I'm here for life, my friend. Committed the worst one of them all..." Pondex trailed off. "But then, it's not quite the same was what you did, killing twelve muggles, and a wizard like that, than flat out denying it, although there must have been thirty witnesses. So's... Why deny it?"

"I don't know," was all the man could mutter.

The three other men in his cellblock looked at him, but with fear in their eyes. The man tried to bring himself to look at them, but found he felt like he was falling.

He fell hard against the wall, and everything went black.

* * *

Author's Note: Well, there's chapter two. If you haven't guessed who "The Man" is by now, I swear, you find out in the next chapter. Hmm, Hagrid, whose memory could he be in?  
  
Anyhow, thanks to everyone who reviewed, now I'll have to reply.  
  
SinfulColours: I can't tell you what's going on! That would spoil it for everone else. Just keep reading, you'll get it figured out really soon!  
  
Moony's Angel: I'll look into those stories you recommened, thanks! I'm not sure about writing more stories, but I am sure that I will be writing more chapters to this story :)  
  
absentmindedgenius: I'm glad you think you know who it is! Of coure I'm continuning with it, I couldn't leave you all hanging! I can't say how far I plan on taking it, because that might give some of the story line away to others who haven't got it figured out yet, but hopefully you'll stick along for the entire thing! Oh yes, thanks for saying it has real promise!


	3. Dumbledore & A Second Memory

**AN: SHOOT! I forgot a disclaimer! You know the deal. These characters don't belong to me. They are the creations of the oh so genius JK Rowling. Character unrecognized as beloning to her, belong to me. Now, that I'm certain I'm not going to be sued...**

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He was dreaming again, it was he, and the big man, Hagrid, the same as before. Except, what was that? He knew what he was pointing over his shoulder at! He awoke beaming; he had recognized that object, even if he hadn't recognized the man, or the place. Maybe it was all coming back to him.

Suddenly, the happy thought was gone. The man felt cold, as though he'd never be warm again. He felt sad, as though he'd never be happy again. He was hit with a wave of memories, all bad, and he scrunched his eyes shut, and pushed his fists into them, trying to stop the string of memories, all bad, but none of which meant anything to him.

"Oi! Jimsy! Hoots! Wakes up! The Dementor's here! I's been waiting for this, been waiting to see when this great man breaks under their pressure!" Pondex was screaming excitedly, but his voice sounded so far away. The man was having problems breathing. He was going to die, and he would never know why he was in this place.

Suddenly, just as quickly as it had begun, the pain, the bad memories, the cold all went away. The man slowly moved his eyes from his hands, looking around. He was rather shocked to see a tall man with a long, cooked nose and insanely long beard standing just outside of his cell.

"So..." The tall, old man started.

"So what?" The prisoner spat back.

"Temper, Sirius, temper."

"I don't have a serious temper!"

"No, my friend, I know that you don't. But it seems, I was correct in saying to Mr. Fudge that you're denial comes only from amnesia." The old man spoke.

The prisoner stared at him. "You... you know who I am?" He whispered, not wanting Pondex, or the others to hear, since he got the feeling they thought very highly of him.

"Of course I know who you are! It's almost my fault you're in here!"

"...Your fault? I'm here, and I don't know who I am, or why I'm here, and you say it's your fault!" The prisoner spat, again.

The old man said nothing, but merely looked at the prisoner, holding the tips of his long fingers together. "Sirius, do you not remember me?"

"SERIOUSLY, I DON'T REMEMBER YOU! SERIOUS, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER MYSELF!"

"I believe you, but I can't stay any longer. I'm needed back at Hogwarts." With that, the old man turned to leave.

"Oh, no, wait! Please wait! At least tell me your name!" The prisoner shouted.

The old man turned to face him, with a small smile on his face. "I'm ...Sirius, I'm the most important man in your life right now, so I think I should tell you who I am. My name is Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." The man – Albus – smiled. "You can, of course, call me Dumbledore." With that Dumbledore walked into the dark hall, ignoring the prisoner's stammering.

"Oi, Black!" Someone called. It took the prisoner a second to remember that there was other around him. Black? He thought to himself, who's Black? Am I? He looked across the hall, and saw Pondex looking at him.

Unsure of whether or not to answer, he stammered "...Ye...Yes?"

"You knows Dumbledore?" Pondex asked him, earnestly.

"Seems that way, doesn't it." The man answered, not wanting to let Pondex know that he wasn't sure if he knew Dumbledore or not.

"He's the one You-Know-Who's afraid of, in' he? I means, the only considered his equal?"

"...Sure?"

Apparently, Pondex hadn't noticed the man's uncertain answer, as he was staring at the prisoner in total awe. "Tells us all about him, won't cha?"

"Erm... I'd rather not, not right now. Maybe later?" The man suggested, as he retreated to the back of his cell. It wasn't very long (not even a minute later) that he came back to the door, and looked across at Pondex.

"Oh! Gone to tells us now, then, ain't yeh?" Pondex clapped excitedly, while the man heard Hoot and Jimmy turn their heads to hear him better.

"Umm, no, sorry. I just wanted to know... Could you hear what Dumbledore and myself said?"

No one spoke for a few minutes, and the man started to worry he might have said something wrong. Finally, a voice came from his left; it was Wallace. "No, mate. Dumbledore put on a spell so as only he and you could hear what was said. You did a bit of yelling mate, Pondex was watching you."

"Oh. ...Well, that's good, I guess."

Now it was Jimmy's turn to speak. "Why did you uuuh ask that? I mean, you uuuh aren't... What I mean to say it... Well, Dumbledore's not trying to sneak you out of here, is he?"

Again, no one spoke. "No! Should I be?" The man finally broke the silence.

"Let's put her this way, mate, you're here for life. Desperate men would do anything to escape this place, even resort to asking a great man like Dumbledore for help. And you, are most defiantly a desperate man." Wallace said, and seeing the look on the prisoner's face at the last comment, quickly explained himself. "Well, see mate, with one curse, you killed all those people. The Ministry's coming down real hard on you, mate. They want the Dementors to perform the kiss on you, not just keep you here. And, I mean, any man would be desperate to get away from this place if they knew that their finishing place is going to be right underneath a Dementor's mouth."

When he finished, both Jimmy and Pondex laughed. "Hoots, man, that sounded really dirty!" Jimmy managed to get out.

"Ignore them, mate," Wallace said someplace to the prisoner's left, "they're dickheads anyways."

"Yeah..." The prisoner muttered, as he walked back to the far corner of his cell. There, no one could see him, and he could see no one. Two more memories had just come to him. The first was about Dementor's.

"They're the guards of the Azkaban, the Wizarding Prisoner, Lils." A tall teenage boy with messy dark hair and glasses was saying to a shorter teenage girl with brilliant eyes. Seeing the look of terror in her eyes, at the mention of the name of Azkaban, the man spoke up.

Only, he was no longer a man, he was also a teenager. Don't worry Lily, they don't come after you unless you did something wrong. As far as I know, you're innocent, you're safe."

The girl, Lily, smiled and slipped her hand into the other teenagers. "James was telling me horrible things about them. Things they can do to you that... Sound so bad, death would be preferably." She said quietly.

The other boy smiled, "But it's all true Lils, it's true."

"James, knock it off, you're scaring her."

"She has to know! We all do! You-know-who is a terrible person, what's not to say he won't be able to get the Dementors on his side!" James yelled.

The teenage form of the prisoner blinked slowly, before turning to another teenager who was standing behind them. "Come on Remus, let's go."

"No. James is right, we've got to know."

"Remus, we all know what they're like, why bother to sit around and talk about it. All we ever do is talk; we're not helping anyone by talking. We need action!"

James, Lily and Remus all stopped and looked at the teenage boy. Another boy had entered the room somewhere half way through his rant, and now stood hovering around the group, with a look of pure terror on his face.

"Hey, Pete." The teenage prisoner muttered, shot them all a dirty look and left.

"Padfoot, come back!" One of the boys called, and came running after him.

The teenager turned to see Remus standing near him. "You can't do this, we're still in school. You heard Dumbledore last night, we are in no way to try and interfere in what's going on out there. We're safe here, let the grown ups do the work. Everything will be fine." Remus said.

"It's not that, Moony, it's just... They were talking about the Dementors."

"I know."

"Then you also know... That... I'm afraid of them?"

"The great Sirius Black, afraid of Dementors?" Remus laughed.

"Shut up, Remus! I'm damn serious. You've never seen them... Felt them near you, saw them... take someone's soul." The teenager muttered.

"...And you have?" Remus asked quietly.

"Yes.

"Oh, Sirius, I didn't know."

"It's not something I generally disclose to people, even my best friends. It was horrible." The teenager muttered slowly.

"Who did they perform the Kiss on?"

"One of my uncles, right in our house."

"What did he do to deserve such punishment?"

"Bad things. I don't talk about it. My whole family's like him."

"Sirius, there's no shame in your family. They do what's right by them, as you do what's right by you. You know who you are; you're a good person. There'll never be a time in your life when you have to face the Dementor's Kiss." Remus finished quietly.

In his jail cell, the man smiled. Whoever this Remus was, he believed in him. Better yet, he now knew his name.

Sirius Black.

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**Well, I think, but am not certain that Jimmy was once called Jim. It's the same person...  
Anyhow, thanks to AMG, my abid reviewer. ...Is that the word I wanted to use hopes so  
Well, to AMG and everyone else, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter, seeing as you got to meet some fimilar people :)  
  
Check back soon for another update. It gets better from here.**


	4. The Approach

**Sorry, got to add the disclaimer, I feel bad about forgetting it. You all know the deal, I don't own these characters, except for Jimmy, Wallace and Pondex. So, with that said - ENJOY!**

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Sirius' second memory was of Dumbledore. A long conversation between himself and the Headmaster of Hogwarts, about Lily and James

_"Sirius, it's time we discuss them." Dumbledore said slowly._

_They were in a large room, filled with pictures and small tables with many objects scattered all over them. Dumbledore was sitting behind a desk, and Sirius sat across from him, looking him directly in the eye. Presumably, this was Dumbledore's office._

_Sirius stared at the Headmaster blankly. "They" didn't mean a whole lot to him. There was many more than one "They" in his life. "Who, Dumbledore, who do you mean?"_

_"Lily and James, my boy."_

_"Are they really in that much danger, Dumbledore?"_

_"Yes, Sirius. Voldemort... Well, he has reason to believe their son is a danger to him."_

_"Harry? My Godson? He's only a baby, only a year old! What reason does he have to think that Harry's a danger to him?"_

_"Do you know what lays in the bowels of Department of Mysteries?" Dumbledore answered Sirius's question with one of his own._

_"Not really, I know there's lots of things going on there though."_

_"There is a section, Sirius, that holds only Prophecies."_

_Sirius stared at Dumbledore, dumfounded. "...You mean like... A glimpse into the future?"_

_"Something like that, yes. There is one prophecy that... Could pertain to young Harry."_

_Again, all Sirius could do was stare. "Could? That doesn't mean that it will."_

_"Ah, Sirius no, but it's the risk. Lily and James, well... The prophecy isn't very clear, but it's clear enough that Harry could be the one it's about." Dumbledore explained._

_"But it's not about him for sure? It could be about someone else, right?"_

_"Of course it **could **be, but, Sirius, listen to me. You know what Voldemort is like. Don't you think it would be best if they tried to protect their son?"_

_Sirius stood up, angrily, but he wasn't sure why. Dumbledore only had the best interest of the Potter's in his heart. "James if my best friend, Albus!" He finally roared._

_"I know, Sirius! Which is why I thought you would understand most of all! But you obviously don't get what I'm trying to ask you! Sit down and listen to me." Dumbledore refuted._

_Sirius did as he was told, but he did so grudgingly. 'Fine." He snapped at the Headmaster._

_Some of the portraits on the wall looked rather appalled at Sirius' anger, but none of them said anything. They merely looked around at each other, some frantically trying to catch Dumbledore's eyes. But Dumbledore's eyes were staring straight into Sirius, and weren't noticing the portraits on the wall._

_"Sirius, they came to me, asking me what to do. I told them to go into hiding, to pick a Secret Keeper." Dumbledore finally said._

_"No! James won't back down from Him! James isn't afraid! He... won't... go... into... hiding." Sirius stammered through gritted teeth._

_"Yes, he will. They're making preparations already. He's not the same as he was in school, Sirius. Not as reckless, and not near as uncaring. He has Harry now. He wants to live, and Lily, and Harry. He's going to take them into hiding. There's nothing you can say which will change his mind."_

_Sirius stared blankly at the wall behind Dumbledore's head, reflecting what he heard just heard. Wasn't the same person he was in school? Not as reckless, not as uncaring? James had always been caring. _

_Finally, Sirius looked into Dumbledore's eyes. "Who, then, is going to be their Secret Keeper?"_

_"Well, I thought that was obvious."_

_"...Me?" Sirius muttered._

_"You said it yourself; he's your best friend. Would you not die to protect him? Would you not stop time to see young Harry, your Godson, safe? Would you not take on this simple task so long as it meant that they would be alive at the end of it all?" Dumbledore questioned harshly._

_Sirius though, before answering. "I would." He said quietly._

_"Therefore Sirius, you must be their Secret Keeper._

Sirius looked around his cell, reflecting on his most recent memory, calculating what he now knew. James Potter and his wife Lily had gone to Dumbledore for help. Dumbledore suggested using Sirius as their Secret Keeper.

Sirius didn't remember what a Secret Keeper was, but he only hoped he quickly would. It might explain so much more.

_Then, the Potters had been going into hiding from, who had Dumbledore said? ...Voldemort? Yes that was the name. _Sirius muttered to himself. As soon as he said Voldemort, his body gave an involuntary shiver, and he wasn't sure why.

What else had he learned? That he had a Godson, and a best friend. He would have done everything to ensure their safety. _But... Did I? Or did I let something happen to them? I just want to remember!_

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**Hmm, I like how it's going. Sorry for such a stint without updates, I've been busy with school. Now, on to my readers...  
AMG: Alright, you can be a faithful reader, it does sound better. Thanks for pointing out the spelling/grammer mistakes, I'll get around to fixing them eventually. Very good job on guessing who it was corerctly :) And yes, we do actually see another Maraurder flashback, but it's not for a while. Thanks again!  
Sword and Magic: Don't worry, he'll remember... Eventually. Thanks for saying I'm doing really well, I always love a fan.  
mmelbear: I haven't read yours yet, but I do plan to! Oh, way into, very nice! And no, not everyone says to update soon, but it does give me more incentive to do so when people do!  
  
And, before I go, I'd like to ask a question for you readers to answer: How long do you think I should make this?**


	5. Wallace

**Disclaimer: Characters and places, with the exception of Wallace, Jimmy and Pondex, belong to the most brilliant J.K. Rowling. Like-wise, all unfamiliar ideas and what not belong to me, the rest for Rowling.  
Now, to the story!**

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Sirius spent the rest of the day reflecting on his two memories. He drew the conclusion that the Lily and James in both memories had been the same people, and that Harry, his Godson, was their son. Seemingly their only son, as neither Dumbledore nor himself had mentioned any other children. As hard as he strained his memory, however, no explanation of what a Secret Keeper was came to him.

He realized, with little resolve, that if he wanted to know, he would probably have to ask one of the other prisoners.

He had begun to wonder if they were the only four in the place. Then, he realized this was highly unlikely. Especially since he often heard screaming that didn't come from Jimmy, Wallace or Pondex. This place, Azkaban (he had concluded), which was guarded by the Dementors (which he knew thanks to his memory of himself as a teenager), seemed to be full of other Wizards.

Sirius stood up and stretched. The heavy chains rattled around his ankles. He felt for the bandage on his head, and pulled it tighter, as it had come lose. Then, he realized there was nothing else he could do to waste time before asking the other prisoners what he wanted to know.

He thought about his three options, about who seemed to be the most likely to answer. Jimmy didn't really have much to say, so Sirius ruled him out, and Pondex wasn't exactly the brightest. Wallace, whom had so nicely explained to him why he was a desperate man, seemed like the best choice.

Sirius stood up and walked to the cell door. He was mildly surprised to see Pondex laying flat out sleeping. Since he couldn't see either Wallace or Jimmy, he simply spoke out. "Wallace, can I ask you something?"

He heard Wallace come to the door of his own cell. "I suppose so."

"Well, see, the thing is… Do you think Jimmy is asleep?" Sirius choked.

"I beg your pardon, mate?"

"I have something important to ask, but I don't want everyone to hear, is all." Sirius muttered, feeling rather stupid.

"Well, not like these two lowlifes would care, mate, but all the same… He's been quiet for awhile, I don't expect that he's awake." Wallace murmured, obviously wanting to go to sleep himself.

"Oh, good then. I just wanted to know… What's a Secret Keeper?" Sirius sputtered very quickly.

"You don't know?" Wallace asked, shocked.

"Hmm, well… I don't remember."

Wallace cleared his throat and sighed. "You don't remember?"

"Nope. See, I think I hit my head really rather hard last night." Sirius lied.

"Ah, well, I suppose I can explain it then, mate. A Secret Keeper is someone who keeps someone else's secret. But they're the only person who knows the secret, the only person who can tell other people. Most Secret Keepers are used to hide people. The people go into hiding, and using a spell, are hidden from the whole world, no matter where they are. Their Secret Keeper would be the only one who knew where they were, and would be the only one who would be able to find them. Why do you ask, mate?"

"Hmm, I don't really know. Can I ask you something else, if you don't mind?" He heard Wallace sit down, but noticed that he didn't hear any chains. "You're not chained?" He asked.

"No. Is that what you wanted to ask?"

"Oh, no! It's just, I didn't hear any chains rattling when you sat down. I had to ask because I'm chained."

"Like Pondex said, you're a high security prisoner. There'll be precautions used on you that aren't used on us, mate."

"Oh." Sirius said glumly. Whatever he had done, it _must_ have been bad. "Anyway, I wanted to ask, you didn't really steal wands did you?"

"You're a very smart man, Mr. Black. It's true mate, I didn't steal the wands."

Sirius thought hard for a few minutes before speaking again. "Than why agree when Pondex said that you did?"

"Well, mate, that would be because Pondex has created his own little, sordid version of me and Jimmy, and he gets very upset if we say it's any different." Wallace explained.

"Why does he do that?" Sirius questioned.

"You don't know much about Azkaban, do you mate? About the Dementors, how the effect you."

"I forget?" Sirius made his answer come out as a question, hoping Wallace would remember his earlier lie about losing his memory when he hit his head.

Wallace sighed again. "It won't be long before Jimmy's like that I expect." He paused and drew in a breath, which made Sirius sure he was going to explain a lot to him. "You see, the Dementors, they do bad things to you. Simply by walking into a room they suck all the happiness out of you, mate. I expect you felt that earlier when that Dementor brought Dumbledore in."

"Like I'd never be happy again." Sirius muttered.

"Yes, exactly. Well, if that happens multiple times a day for many days, you start to crack, like Pondex has. Your mentality drops, and you stop caring. Well, Pondex, he still cares, but not about the right things. He cares that he's in here for the wrong reasons. See, he's in here for Muggle Baiting, and for stealing the wands. He thinks people care why he's here, so he says he killed someone, while he puts his real reasons to be why Jimmy and I are here. It makes him somewhat happy."

Sirius reflected on this, before he asked, "Then, how come you and Jimmy aren't already like that too?"

"Ah, excellent point, mate. It's all about timing. Pondex has been here a lot longer than Jimmy or me. While, Jimmy's been here longer than me. He's starting to show sings already, when he talks, he includes a lot of _uhhh_'s, and he doesn't talk as much anymore." Wallace finished.

Again, Sirius asked a question. "You seem perfectly normal, how long have you been here?"

He heard Wallace sigh and say "A week."

Sirius thought it would be better not to ask how long he was in for.

"So, if Jimmy wasn't Muggle Baiting, what is he in for?"

"He, well, mate, he used an Unforgivable Curse. He won't say which one, but he swears up and down that it's not _Avada Kedavra_. But still no matter which he used, it's still enough to get him a life sentence here." Wallace said.  
  
"Erm, Wallace?" Sirius asked, rather apprehensively.

"Yeah, mate? And you can call me Hoots, if you like."

"Oh, well, I think I'll stick with Wallace. I'd rather not call you something like that..." Sirius trailed off, before picking up where he had previously left off. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, you and me mate, we're birds of a feather."

* * *

**Oh, interesting... Well, assuming you all know what "birds of a feather" means.  
We'll just leave off with replies to my readers.  
Icequeen99: My stalker! You've tracked me to here! Glad you're still reading. Even more glad that you're reading and rating both places. Thanks!  
AMG: Of course I'll keep it going for Sirius to get his memory back. Interestingly enough, I was actually thinking about writing POA from his POV. Thanks for suggesting it, it gives me incentive to write that too!  
Sword And Magic: Don't mind long stories? Excellent, because I think this one's going to go on for a while :)  
mmelbear: Less than fifty? I can try! Oh, so far so great. Thanks!  
  
Actually, I have another question! Who is the one character you would like to see Sirius have a memory of? (Yes, this is me taking ideas from my readers!)**


	6. Snape

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter franchiese (spelled that one wrong, didn't I?). If I did, I'd be rich! All characters and places (with the exception of Wallace, Pondex and Jimmy) belong to the most wonderful woman alive, JK Rowling.**

* * *

Sirius stared blankly at the jail door, numbly thinking about what Wallace had just said. If Sirius had understood him correctly, they were both in Azkaban for the same reason. His problem, however, was going to be finding out exactly what the reason was. 

"Err... Not birds of the _exact_ same feather?" He finally questioned, hoping Wallace would explain somewhat.

"No, mate, not the exact same feather, just one from the same bird, so-to-speak. But, in terms of radiance, I've been so much better than you. Still, I'd rather not talk about it. There's lots of shame in what I did, but not as much as in what you did. Please, don't ask me about it again." Wallace ended sincerely.

Sirius thought about asking him again. He wanted to know what Wallace had done, in hopes of finding out more about his own crime. He was so frustrated because he couldn't remember anything, except a few stupid memories that explained nothing about why he was in Azkaban. However, he resisted because Wallace had requested so sincerely.

He retreated to the back of his cell, to the corner he now knew quite well. He tried to think back, to make himself remember what thing full of shame that he could have done to deserve being here. He still couldn't remember anything.

Sirius stared gloomily around his cell. "I hate this place." He muttered. Suddenly, an idea came to him. Somewhere in his past, he knew he must have hated someone, or someplace. He thought that maybe, as before, if he said the right thing, it would trigger a memory, exactly as it had before his memory of Hagrid.

"I hate this place." He started, with no luck. Followed by phrases such as "damn you!" and "fuck this." Still, he had no luck. He began to laugh in spite of himself. If he hated someone, wouldn't it make sense that he just come out and say "I hate you!"? So, that's what he yelled, at the top of his lungs. He heard Wallace make a noise of concern, but he ignored it, for something wonderful had happened.

_"I HATE YOU!" Sirius stood facing a teenage boy, about the same age as himself. They both had their wands drawn and were glaring so hard at each other that people all around them were fleeing from the two boys in fear._

_Remus, James and Peter stood by, watching in fear. Never before had they seen Sirius so angry, almost as if he wanted to kill. They also had disgust on their faces as they watched the boy across from Sirius. Lily ran to James and he held out his arm to keep her from getting any closer. To whatever heights the two boys were going to take their duel, James didn't want Lily anywhere near them._

_The boy Sirius stood across from was tall, with pale skin and greasy, stringy, black hair. His face shone with sweat as he breathed hard, never taking his eyes from Sirius. His robes were dingy and faded in spots, and yet Sirius didn't feel bad for this boy at all._

_"Don't ever talk to me that way again, Snivellus!" Sirius roared above the noise of the frightened crowd. "Don't ever fucking talk to me like that again!"_

_"Well, Sirius, it seems that your intellect is that of the average teenager after all." Snivellus sneered._

_From somewhere in the crowd, a familiar voice rang out "Mr. Black! Mr. Snape, I must request that you both put away your wands and join me in my office!" It was Dumbledore, but neither boy seemed to hear him, or care about what he said._

_As Dumbledore pushed his way through the crowd, Sirius spit on Snivellus' robes, causing Snivellus to sneer in disgust and send a stunning spell directly as Sirius. Sirius moved, aside, but not quite quickly enough and he took the spell in his wand arm._

_His wand dropped to the floor, and before he could grab it with his left arm, Snivellus had said "Accio wand" and it had flown into his hand. Wandless, Sirius thought frantically about what to do. He lunged on the other boy, and tackled him to the ground, using only his left arm._

Snivellus, who had been caught off guard, had dropped his own wand, but now pulled Sirius's wand up and pointed it directly at Sirius's face. "Are you ready to die, Black?" The other boy muttered quietly, but still, Sirius continued to beat on his face with his left arm, using his right arm to the best of its ability to hold him down.

_"You... Won't... Be... The... One... To... Kill... Me... Snape!" Sirius hissed between punches. He stopped hitting when he realized that Snivellus had frozen in fear, and felt a hand on his own shoulder._

_He looked back to see James pointing his and Sirius' wands directly at Snivellus' face. "No, Snivellus, you won't kill Sirius, but we will kill you." He said quietly, as he helped Sirius to his feet, and handed him wand._

_The boy, Snivellus Snape, had also gotten to his feet, still pointing his own wand at Sirius. "You stay out of this, James, JUST STAY OUT OF IT! He'll never amount to much of a man with you always fighting his battles for him!"_

_Sirius had lunged at Snape again but found himself frozen in mid-air. He spun his head to see Dumbledore glaring at him with ice-cold eyes. Snape took this opportunity to send another stunning spell at Sirius and it hit him squarely in the chest._

_When Sirius awoke, he was laying in the hospital wing, with Dumbledore standing over him. He looked around, but saw no one else._

_"Mr. Black, what do you mean by being the cause of a duel in my school?"_

_Sirius looked at Dumbledore and groaned. "No, Sirius, you will answer me. This is the second time in a month that you and Severus Snape have been fighting openly in the hallways. Now, please explain."_

_Sirius tried to sit up, but was pushed back by Dumbledore. "It won't do you any good to sit up and talk about it."_

_"Snivellus started it, Professor." Sirius spat out._

_"Please, Sirius, his name is not Snivellus, his name is Severus. Show him some respect and call him by his proper name." Dumbledore quietly asked._

_"Fine! Snape started it." Sirius spat again._

_"I do not care who started it, I wish only to know why. To blame someone is easy, to realize that it's not entirely their fault is what takes explaining."_

_Sirius stared at Dumbledore in disbelief. He was laying here in the hospital wing, while Snape walked around the school somewhere, and he was getting in trouble for it. How rich._

_"I cannot help you if you will not talk, Mr. Black." Dumbledore said after a few moments._

_Sirius growled, but decided he would tell Dumbledore what happened. "Like, I said, Professor, he started it. Dumbledore was about to say something, when Sirius continued; "He ran into me in the hall, muttered something about how I was no different from the rest of my family." Sirius' lip curled in disgust at the mention of his family, but he continued on all the same. "He said Regulus had been telling him that I was no different from him. Dumbledore, he said he wouldn't be surprised if I ever turned against James and the others."_

_"And you listened to him, did you?" _

_"He was a little hard to ignore, sir." Sirius said bluntly._

_"And this is when the wands came out?" Dumbledore asked._

_"No, Sir, this is when I said something back. I told him I'd never turn on James, or any of my friends, I said I was the most decent person in my family. And then I told him that I hoped he wasn't the most decent person in his family because he was a horrible... Well, I really don't think I should use the term in front of you." Sirius explained_

_"Were you trying to provoke him?" Dumbledore asked, apparently oblivious to Sirius' last statement._

_"Only as much as he was provoking me, sir."_

_"The term, Professor, was 'son of a bitch.'" Someone said from the doorway._

_Sirius snapped his head to his left, to see the figure of Severus Snape looming under the doorframe._

_"Ah, Severus, how excellent you could join us. Feeling better are you?" Dumbledore asked, quite chipperly._

_"Yes, the nurse mended my bones in just a few seconds." Snape smiled gently towards Dumbledore._

_"Excellent, come in and join us. Mr. Black here was just telling me about what happened between the two of you today. I presume that you heard it all from over there?" Dumbledore paused as Snape nodded. "And that what he said is similar to your own story."_

_"Identical, Professor." Snape smiled._

_Sirius wondered what Snape was playing at. Why didn't he tell Dumbledore Sirius was lying (even though he didn't)? If he hated Sirius so much as to want to kill him, why didn't he just lie?_

_"Excellent, then you can fill us in on the rest, then?'_

_"Yes, Professor, I can." Snape said, as he moved into the room, and sat in a chair facing Sirius' bed. "After he was finished, he pulled out his wand."  
_

_And there it was. That was what he was waiting for, a chance to tell his own version of the rest of the story. Sirius had not been the first to pull out his wand, Snape had. Now he was lying, he was going to say he used his wand only in self-defense, and Sirius would get into trouble._

_"...And you saw all the rest, sir." Severus had finished._

_Sirius glared at Snape, how could he lie, just how could he?_

_"But you did attack him first, Severus." Dumbledore pointed out quietly._

_Sirius smiled, that was true; there was no way Snape could get out of that."_

_Snape merely smiled. "Yes, Professor, I did, but I merely meant to knock his wand out of his hand so he couldn't attack me. It's his own fault that he moved and my spell hit his arm."_

_Dumbledore surveyed Snape through his half-moon spectacles. "But you did provoke him first, did you not?" _

_"No, Professor! I was merely passing along the information that his brother, Regulus, had told me. I knew Black would not like what Regulus had said."_

_"Well, it seems that Mr. Black misunderstood your gesture, therefore, I must give him a detention." Dumbledore said._

_Snape smiled, but Dumbledore continued; "You too, Severus. Although he did pull his wand first, you did perform magic on another student. The two of you will serve your detentions with Mr. Filch in one week."_

_Sirius left the Hospital win later, but he was seething. He couldn't believe he been given a detention with Filch, he'd barely done anything._

_"James," he whispered in James' ear when he returned to the common room, "Snape's got to pay." He hissed as he looked over at Remus, who had, as usual, his head buried in a book. He hadn't even noticed that Sirius had entered the room._

_James looked at Sirius and cocked his head, trying to figure out why he was staring so intently at Remus. "Sirius?" He finally asked._

_"When's the next full moon?" Sirius asked keenly._

_Suddenly, a smile dawned on James' face as well, for he completely understood, and he muttered "Brilliant."_

* * *

**Before you read the next chapter (oh, a double post, aren't you excited?), I just wanted to say that I hope everyone who asked for a Snape chapter is happy. I actually had this chapter written before I asked who you'd like to see a chapter about, so it was neat how everyone asked for a Snape chapter! Keep readinig now!**


	7. An Emotional Memory

**Disclaimer: No, the characters/places still don't belong to me. Well, I take all credit for Wallace, Jimmy and the oh so crazy Pondex. Oh, wait, we don't get to see his real crazyness until the next chapter. OH! A Spoiler!**

* * *

Sirius looked around his cell, _there's the connection to the full moon_, he thought, _but I don't understand it_. Suddenly, he heard someone screaming his name. He stood up and walked to the door of his cell, and Saw Wallace leaning against his door, trying to see into Sirius' cell. 

"Yeah?" Sirius mumbled.

"You were screaming mate, it was scary. You're not going delusional, are you? You're over there screaming, and then you stopped, and got really quiet." Wallace said.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure, mate?" Wallace asked, sincerely concerned.

"Yes, I was just thinking." It wasn't really a lie, remembering was a form of thinking.

"Good thoughts, I hope? You'll want to cherish those while you can, when the Dementors come, they take those away from you. Those happy thoughts keep you sane, but in here, you can't keep hold of them forever, mate." Wallace explained.

Not having anything to say back, Sirius looked around, he really looked around for the first time. He knew the inside of his cell perfectly now, but outside his cell was almost foreign to him.

The four cells were arranged as a square, one on each wall. Sirius could see directly into Pondex's cell, but he could see Jimmy's cell to his right, and Wallace's cell to his left. There was nothing else, except a heavy door set into the wall beside Pondex's cell, the same door that Dumbledore had left through. That was it. That was the entire of Sirius' small, bleak world.

He looked over and saw that Wallace had fallen asleep. Pondex was still sleeping; only Jimmy was awake, sitting with his face sitting in-between the bars. Sirius noticed, on a slightly happy note that, like himself, Jimmy had no head hole. He turned to his right, and noticed for the first time that Wallace didn't have one either. Sirius started to feel slightly better about his situation, but only slightly.

He was mad, mad because he didn't know why he was in Azkaban, and angry because he couldn't remember. He resounded that maybe he would never remember, that maybe he would never know. With that thought, he walked back to his corner that he knew all too well and lay down to sleep.

Sirius' sleep was full of broken pieces of memories. He couldn't tell if what he was seeing was his part, or just his mind creating a fantasy life to replace the one that he couldn't remember. Some of it he hoped was real, because it had the people in it that he had already remembered. Other pieces he felt so lost in because he recognized no one.

He awoke the next morning feeling sick and dizzy. It wasn't long before he started to feel hungry. He tried to count how many days he'd been in this place, but found it hard to tell. He couldn't remember falling asleep and waking up, he couldn't remember any more than one sunrise, he couldn't remember anymore than one moonlit night. He just couldn't remember.

Holy, was he ever hungry though. He looked around, thinking that even bugs would suit him at this point. He saw nothing; no bugs, no plants, not even any mice. He sighed; _maybe they expect us to starve to death_.

To his right he noticed Jimmy greedily shoving food into his mouth from a plate. He looked around and saw both Pondex and Wallace eating as well.

_Well hell_, he thought, _why don't I have any?_

"Sirius!" Wallace cried out. "It's feeding day!"

_Feeding day? What the hell?_

"Explain, please" Sirius grunted.

"Well, they only feed us three times a week. Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. You've been here since Thursday night, I reckon you're starved."

"So, it's Sunday, then is it?"

"Yes, sir, it is. Come on, have something to eat, mate." Wallace said through mouthfuls of food.

"...Right..."

"Oh, well, I don't expect that you're going to like this very much, mate. You've got to sort of, well, get your meal from the..." But he trailed off and never finished his sentence. Sirius didn't need to look up to ask why, because he knew that feeling.

Like he'd never be warm or happy again.

He willed himself not to look up, to see the hideous creature standing outside of his cell. He could smell it, hear it's rattling breath, and sense its presence. He knew without thinking that there was a Dementor standing just feet away from him, outside his cell.

He heard its robes dragging across the wet floor with a sickening sloshing noise. He began to feel sick. He began to shake. He turned away and heaved into the corner. Still, the being didn't go away. It stood just outside his cell, just observing him

Observing the man who was most loyal to the Dark Lord. Observing the man who had forgot it all, the man who was suffering.

The Dementor opened the cell door, and placed a tray of food onto the floor. It pulled the door shut, and turned its back on Sirius. It didn't leave. It stood outside his door like a guard.

In the corner, Sirius was gasping for air while he continued to gag. He was shivering. He could feel the happiness leaving him; he felt the memory of James, Peter, Lily and Remus leaving him. He tried to hold on to it, it was his only happy feeling.

Suddenly, there was something else. Not happy, but something he'd not remembered until just then.

He gave a final shudder before he collapsed in a heap.

_"James, I can't do it anymore. Use someone else."_

_James stared blankly at Sirius. "You said you would, that you would keep us forever."_

_"I know. But, James, Remus, he's not who we think. He's with Voldemort now."_

_James stared at Sirius in disbelief. "How do you know?"_

_Sirius looked up, but didn't say anything. He blinked slowly as tears ran down his cheeks._

_"You think he'd betray you? Betray us?" James pressured._

_"You don't know his power, James! Remus will tell him anything that he asks! Remus will betray me, and you, and anyone else to keep Voldemort happy. I can no longer be your secret keeper, Remus knows, it's not safe." Sirius hissed in undertones._

_James looked at him for a very long time. He could feel his friend's grief, he felt bad for him. He had put all this pressure on his best friend. He had done it very selfishly, just to ensure that he live. "Alright, Sirius, we'll find someone else."_

_Sirius looked into James' eyes and smiled. Yes, everything was going to be fine._

Sirius woke with a start. He looked around frantically. _Where the hell did James go?_ _Right, it was a memory..._

"Mate, you alright?" Wallace called out.

"Yeah, yeah, just hungry is all." Sirius said, as he looked around for the Dementor.

"The Dementor lefts, it did." Pondex mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Oh, right." Sirius muttered, as he walked towards his own tray of food.

He grunted in disgust as he saw what was on it. A meaty substance that looked like raw liver, some rather chunky stew of some sort and a maggot infested roll. He didn't want to look into his cup, for fear of seeing blood or urine, or some other disgusting liquid.

Wallace laughed as he watched Sirius turn up his nose at the plate. "Ah, mate, it's the best that they've got. You'd best eat up, they'll be coming back for the empty plates soon."

Sirius sighed and took the plate into his hands. Plugging his nose he began to hungrily shovel the food into his mouth. Even with his noise plugged he could still taste the horrid food in his mouth. He'd much as rather been eating ash.

Suddenly, he started to choke. He threw the plate down as he hurriedly grabbed for his cup and swallowed all the liquid. In truth, it wasn't as bad as the food had been, but it still had a rather unpleasant aftertaste. It reminded Sirius slightly of burnt peas.

Sirius looked at his food that was now spilt over the floor. He sighed, still hungry, but not hungry enough to eat food from the mud floor. He wiped the remainder of the meal onto his plate, and shoved it and the cup back on to the tray. He pushed it as close to the door as possible, before going to the corner of his cell that was farther from the door.

He shut his eyes in an attempt to sleep; he didn't really want to be awake when the Dementor came back for his tray.

* * *

**I'm having a great day, and it's almost my birthday (Oct. 13th, for any who care), so I thought since it's been a little bit since I updated, I'll give you two chapters. And, the spoiler above! Yay!  
Now, to my faithful readers.  
  
AMG: It'd be interesting if he were an owl animagus, I never thought of that, actually... Maybe I'll stick it in some time!  
**Satori: Hey! Glad you finally reviewed! (For anyone who cares, me and her go to school together). Thanks for your lack of ideas, pal. And why are you proud? This is all mine, you've given me no ideas or support during the writing of this!  
**Sword and Magic: You said Snape, you got Snape. I hope you liked it! Thanks for sticking with the story, though!  
  
Question time! Who is the one person (alive at the time he's in Azkaban, obviously) you would like to see visit Sirius in jail?  
Well, until next time, thanks everyone!**


	8. The First Death

**Disclaimer: You all know the deal. I'm not JK Rowling, so I won't take credite for any people/places except Jimmy, Wallace and Pondex.**

* * *

Sirius fell asleep almost instantly, dreaming of the sort of meal he would be eating if he weren't in Azkaban. It wasn't long, however, before the pieces of his past life started to come back to him.

He saw the faces he recognized, and many that were as foreign to him as Wizards to the Muggle way of life. The pieces never fit correctly together, but overlapped so that one memory was corrupted by another.

Sirius slept badly that night, and for many afterwards. He stopped talking to the other men around him. He withstood the Dementors, but he barely knew how he managed to do so. He felt sick every time he woke up, and tired throughout the day. He watched Pondex from the corner of his cell, like a cat waiting to pounce on its prey.

Pondex was indeed crazy. It became evident to Sirius very quickly. He was always talking to himself, and shooting fearful glances around him. He had stopped eating, but merely stared at his tray of food when it was brought to him. He often times threw off his robes and stood naked in the thing beam of sun that came in through his own small window.

Wallace and Jimmy never said anything to show that they seriously cared about Pondex's state. Sirius began to doubt if they ever cared that he was going crazy. In fact, he sometimes woke up in the night thinking he's heard them laughing and talking about how crazy Pondex actually was.

Sirius watched Pondex a lot. Even if there had been more to be seen from his cell, he still would have watched Pondex the way he did. He knew that Pondex was crazy, and that if he remained in Azkaban long enough he would also go crazy. This was a thought that scared him, for he had never been anything but serious minded that he could remember.

He also tried to watch Jimmy as much as often. Jimmy was starting to show more signs of his own craziness. He barely talked anymore, but when he did, his speech was jumbled. Not only did he include a lot of "uhhs" in his sentences, but he also began to stutter terribly, and often times Sirius couldn't even make him out because he slurred so terribly bad.

The only one aside from himself who reminded rational on the cellblock was Wallace, but Sirius knew it was only a matter of time before he began to go slowly crazy.

Sirius feared for that day; the day when he would be alone in sanity, which would probably be enough to drive himself insane. He worried that he would go crazy before he remembered why he was here, and worried that he would never know what had happened to the people in his memories.

His only wish was that he would remember before he succumbed to the fate that was always hanging over his head.

Sirius didn't know how long he'd been in his cell. How many days and nights had passed, or how many nights he passed sleeplessly. All he knew was that death would be welcome over this torture.

While Sirius sat in his cell wishing for death one dreary evening just after sunset, he heard the large door leading out open. He looked up, in hopes of it being someone he recognized, but it wasn't.

He looked away almost instantly; it was a Dementor. He half expected it to come over and stand outside his cell as they often did, just waiting for him to collapse. Tonight was different though.

The Dementor turned directly left and walked to the front of Pondex's cell. Sirius noticed that he wasn't feeling anything terribly drastic, even with the Dementor being so close.

That's when he realized...

"NO!" He screamed, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!"

He heard Wallace and Jimmy grumbling in their sleep, as he frantically kept trying to call the Dementor off.

Finally, Wallace woke up, and saw what was going on outside of his cell. He stared blankly at the scene that was taking place just ten feet away from him.

The Dementor had reached out one of its long, thing, and slimy hands and was slowly opening Pondex's cell. Pondex stood there stupidly; not having enough sense left to realize what was going on.

The next thing Sirius knew, Wallace's voice had joined his own in attempts to stop the Dementor.

Jimmy, on the other hand, had awoken as well, but was doing nothing to stop the scene before him. He stood at his cell door, his head mashed between the bars, watching what was happening with extreme fear and excitement in his eyes. He knew this might happen to him, but he was crazy enough to enjoy it happening to someone else.

Even if Pondex was crazy, Sirius still liked the guy, he provided a lot of entertainment, and he had a feeling that Wallace was rather fond of him as well. They where utterly helpless, standing dumbfounded inside their cells, watching the terrible scene unfold in front of them.

Sirius stopped yelling, and stood watching, just as Jimmy was. Wallace was the only one who remained making any attempt to try and help the poor man.

"Think happy thoughts, Pondex! HAPPY! Do you hear me? HAPPY!" He was screaming rabidly, but to no affect, Pondex seemed too far-gone.

Sirius barely blinked, even though he knew what was about to happen, he found it impossible to look away. He started intently at the back of the Dementor's robes, almost willing it to turn around so he could perfectly see what was going on.

Wallace was still screaming, and Sirius almost wanted to throw something at him to knock him out, but found himself too intrigued by what was happening to look away to tell Wallace off.

Suddenly, the Dementor gripped Pondex's clothes with both hands and almost effortlessly pulled him out of the room, the door magically shutting behind the two figures.

The heavy steel door, however, was not enough to block out Pondex's last moments. Sirius cringed with every deafening scream that Pondex delivered, until everything was silent.

Suddenly, the whole building around Sirius seemed to erupt in cheering. He looked around, wondering why, and saw that Wallace was crying.

"What?" Wallace practically spit at him.

"Well... It's not your fault, you know... You couldn't stop it." Sirius muttered.

"You don't get it, mate! You just DON'T GET IT!" Wallace bellowed, as he tore off into the darkness of his cell.

Sirius stared dumbly at the spot where Wallace had just been standing, and heard Jimmy behind him.

"P-P-P-Pondex, uhh, he was, uhh, W-W-W-Wallace's, uhh brother." He managed to sputter out.

"Oh..." Sirius managed to reply, as he turned to Jimmy. "Why do they cheer?" He asked.

"B-B-B-Because that means, uhh, that they won't, uhh, dies t-t-t-tonight."

"But they don't really die..." Sirius replied.

"N-N-No, b-b-but, it keeps, uhh, everyone, uhh, else s-s-safe." Pondex coughed. Sirius noted that he still did have enough sense left to realize that he could very well be next.

"They also cheer because they're criminals, mate. It's in their blood to cheer for anyone in pain, or dying." Wallace said from Sirius's right. "It's their natural instinct, to outlive is the ultimate payoff."

"I didn't know that he was your brother, why didn't you tell me?" Sirius asked, gravely.

"You never asked, mate. Besides, family is a big thing to Wizards, one shame in a family is bad, and two is the Devil." He merely smiled.

"He won't be coming back to his cell then, will he?" Sirius asked.

"No... No one knows where they go, but they're never seen again..."

Sirius went back to his familiar corner, with the images from the evening's events running across his eyes. He knew that he would forever be taunted by the sound of Pondex's last screams...

* * *

_Sorry, my spoiler from my last update stank. There wasn't anything extremly crazy about Pondex... God rest his soul :(  
  
_**Icequeen99: Like I said, sorry, sucky spoiler.  
AMG: Remus? I don't know. I'll touch on this at the end. Yes, only three times a week. The Dementors don't have all that much energy to cook ;)  
Sword and Magic: Would you rather I didn't keep you involved? Because,I can manage that I do believe. You want to see Remus vist him too? Sheesh. What is it with the Werewolf that everyone loves?  
  
_Which is everyone this time around.  
Anyhow, I decided to update again so quickly because A) I had some chapter written and B) It's my Birthday today! (Happy Birthday, me!) And I'm just in a great mood!  
  
Anyways. I thought you all might say Remus, so I was a little hesitant to even ask. But, I did. I wasn't planning on writing Remus coming to visit, because it wasn't something I thought he would do, However, I've given it some SIRIUS though (hehe), and Remus will be appearing in at LEAST two chapters sometime down the road.  
  
Alas, no questions tonight!_**


	9. History

**Disclaimer: You know the deal already, I should hope.**

* * *

He had no idea how long he sat in the growing darkness of his cell. He was only dimly aware of the creeping square of light moving into his cell. He was dumbfounded.

'One shame in a family is bad, two is the Devil.' That had been what Wallace had said. How cruelly he had spoken of his brother was what was bothering Sirius. To speak so poorly of family... Wallace didn't realize how lucky he was to have a family that he remembered, to have a family member so close to him at all times.

Sirius had no one. He knew about his brother, Regulus, from the memory about Snape, but he could place no one else in his family. Regulus didn't even have a face to him. What he wouldn't have given to have a visit from any of them.

He knew it wouldn't happen. People simply didn't visit Azkaban. He couldn't even fathom why Dumbledore had come to him, even if it had only been once. What Sirius wouldn't have given to have Dumbledore come back again.

He remained in deep thought for a long time afterwards. He stayed up all night thinking. Thinking about what he knew, whom he knew, and creating the rest of his life in pure fantasy. He created parents; a sister and he even gave Regulus a face.

But he knew it wasn't true. The family he created was friendly, and they would never do anything wrong. That wasn't his family, and he knew it. He's heard it right from his own mouth in a memory. 'Bad things. I don't talk about it. My whole family's like him.'

No, the fantasy family couldn't be like his real family. He quickly squished the thought of this make-believe family from his mind.

During the day, Sirius finally surfaced from his dark corner to see what was going on out in the cellblock.

Pondex's cell remained empty, but it looked nothing as it had when Pondex had occupied it. It seemed such a happy place now that it was free to take in another person to turn crazy. Sirius figured that if the cell could feel, that's how it would feel about Pondex being gone.

Jimmy was sleeping with his face pushed up against the cold steel bars of his cell. Sirius wondered if he'd gotten any sleep the previous night either.

Wallace, however, was starring fixedly towards Sirius' cell.

"I wondered when you'd come out." He muttered quietly, almost as if it hurt to speak.

Sirius looked at him coldly, before turning away.

"No, Sirius, please listen to me. I think I gave you the wrong impression." Wallace pleaded.

"Oh, and what might that be? The impression that you're a heartless bastard who cares nothing for your brother, only your marred family name? Because, that's actually the impression that I got, so I thought it might have been the right one." Sirius snarled.

"Ah, well, yes. That was the impression I gave, but it's not the one I meant to give."

"You didn't care about him at all, did you? You didn't care that he was here. The criminal in you took over, made it so you could no longer care. You cheered with the rest of them last night, didn't you?" Sirius spat.

"No."

"Don't deny it, Wallace. He was just a bother to you, to your entire family. Now there's only one shame in your family, there's no more Devil!"

"He was a bother, but I loved him all the same."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"Listen to me, Sirius, just listen to me, mate."

Sirius glared at the man through narrowed eyes. "Why should I?"

"Because mate, I know you don't want to stay mad at me." Wallace smiled weakly, but continued before giving Sirius a chance to continue. "Because I don't want you to stay mad at me, mate."

"Are you gay?" Sirius demanded.

"No! It's just nice to have a friend in your final days, mate!"

"Sorry." Sirius grunted.

"It's alright, mate... All the same, please let me continue."

"Why not? I've got nothing better to do..."

"Good then." Wallace started, as he set down. "Like I said, Pondex was a bother. He was a bother growing up, always getting into trouble, and always pulling pranks and everything. He wasn't a bad kid; he was just trying to have fun. But, lord all mighty, mate, did I ever love him. Quite possibly loved him too much...

"All the same, he got into some pretty deep trouble. With our parents both being dead, we lived together just the two of us. I was the only one who could help him...

"I remember it so clearly, and every memory brings me pain."

Sirius stared at the prisoner, suddenly quite jealous. Whether he was jealous because there was so much love between the two brothers, or because Wallace had complete use of his memories, Sirius had no clue. He sat down as Wallace continued.

"He'd taken one of his pranks too far, mate, he just took it too far."

"What did he do?" Sirius asked.

"You know when I told you that he was here for Muggle Baiting?"

"Yes." It was one of the few things Sirius did actually have a memory of.

"He took that really far. He was on this visitation tour of Buckingham Palace, and thought it would be funny if he played a few tricks on the Queen. He kept using magic, making things move, and what not..." Sirius thought he was done, until he said, "There's few people in the world that you don't mess around with, mate, and the Queen of England just happens to be one of them..."

"Naturally."

"Well, do you know why you don't piss around with the Queen, mate?" Wallace questioned hardly.

"Other than the fact that she's the all imposing and supreme being?"

"Yes, other than that."

"Well then, no." Sirius replied swiftly.

"Well, see, to Muggle Bait, you generally have to be doing stuff to confuse, well, Muggles, right mate?"

"That would be the point, I believe."

"Well, this is a little known fact, seemingly, Pondex didn't know, but the Queen, she's not a Muggle. She's a Witch."

"Oh my god." Was all Sirius could manage to get out.

"Well, being a Witch, she knew there was a Witch or Wizard in the room. She hunted him down so fast. Would have sent him straight off to Azkaban if there wasn't a trial."

"Which he lost?" Sirius asked.

Wallace looked grimly. "Not exactly."

"I don't understand."

"Well, mate, Pondex didn't go crazy just because he was tossed in this place. He was always sort of ..._special_."

"Special?"

"He always had a mental disorder. He couldn't think properly."

"So he pleaded insanity during his trial?"

"Yes. I was there; he had all the jurors convinced that he hadn't done it on purpose. He had his medical records and everything. There was just no possible way that he could possibly be placed in Azkaban." Wallace sniffled a cry for the first time.

"Then, why did he?"

"Conklin." Was all Wallace spat.

"Pardon?"

"Conklin, the Minister of Magic who killed himself. Blimey, you don't know Conklin? He was right in the Queen's pocket. He pulled some serious strings to get Pondex thrown in here, just to satisfy the Queen."

"Oh." Suddenly Sirius had a flash of a headline from a newspaper. He stared blankly at Wallace. "Conklin didn't kill himself..."

"No, it was just made to look that way." Wallace said as he turned away.

"Yes, you would know that." Sirius said, as more and more of the article from the newspaper came to him.

"Sirius," Wallace started, before Sirius cut him off.

"You would know that because you killed him!"

"I had to. He'd sent my brother here. He'd sent him here just to make the Queen happy. He'd taken away my last family member. I had to make him pay." Wallace yelled angrily.

"You killed a man." Sirius muttered, feeling his head spinning with the knowledge.

"It wasn't supposed to go that far! I just wanted to scare him, to get him to let Pondex out. Killing him was a mistake, a terrible mistake. But it brought me back together with Pondex." Wallace confessed honestly.

Sirius was no longer listening to Wallace; he was starring at the opposite wall deep in thought. He thought back to the day Wallace had said "we're birds of a feather." He knew then why he was in Azkaban.

He'd killed someone.

* * *

**Not much to say, just to touch base with my readers, really.  
AMG: Don't worry, you'll get Remus making sure Sirius is suffering. Chapter 12 (maybe 13, it depends on how I decide to write it in).  
Satori: You know me, I am paranoid. He will remember he can turn into a dog... I just don't know when yet. I've got about 12 years to cover still... So, it might not be for a while yet.  
Sword And Magic: Thanks for the Birthday wishes (if you can call them that). No way to keep you involved this time (maybe next). Thanks for the confidence!  
  
Stay tuned!**


	10. Another Visit

**Disclaimer: I'm poor, proof enough that I don't own these characters.  
**

* * *

Sirius sat blinking dumbfounded at the wall. He had killed someone, maybe more than one person. Hadn't Wallace said, "in terms of radiance, I've been so much better than you?" Hadn't Wallace only killed one person? If Sirius interrupted the radiance comment correctly, that meant he had killed more than one person.

And that was why he was in Azkaban. Now that he knew, he wished more than anything that he didn't have the knowledge.

Wallace was still talking, going on about the details of killing Conklin, but Sirius didn't care. Even though he liked Wallace, he couldn't be bothered to care at this moment.

The moment when he knew.

Who had he murdered? Why had he murdered someone? None of his few memories made him feel murderous, it just didn't make sense.

_Or does it? There's so much that you don't remember; so much that is still lost to you. Just because you can't remember feelings and events doesn't mean that they never happened._

Sirius felt as if he were going to be sick, but as he sat heaving in the corner, nothing made its way up his throat. He felt hopeless, like he was drowning. Like he'd never be happy again.

And for once, Dementors didn't inspire the feeling.

All he wanted was to remember.

It was a long time before he fell asleep.

He slept for hours, the weight of his problems pushed to the back of his mind, the woes of his world all forgotten.

Hours turned into days, with Sirius slipping in and out of consciousness often, but never for long. When he was awake he was in agony. Not physical, but mental. When he slept he was haunted by fragments of memory that he couldn't be sure if they were real or not.

He wanted to die, just to escape the pain of his reality.

"Death won't solve you problems, Sirius." Someone talking outside of his cell awaked Sirius. He looked up and found himself starring into the depths of Albus Dumbledore's blue eyes.

"I'm sorry. I should considering asking before I delve into you thoughts, Mr. Black." Dumbledore smiled.

Sirius stared at him, not blinking. Unless he was there to kill him, he didn't care. Even though days ago he had wished vigorously for Dumbledore to visit, he no longer cared.

"I've been talking to Wallace, Sirius. He's worried about you. He says you've been sick for many days." Dumbledore started.

Sirius looked away from Dumbledore's age lined face, wondering how many days he'd been avoiding the world.

"Six days." Dumbledore answered. Sirius was shocked that Dumbledore knew what he was about to ask.

"Don't be. You've known for many long years that I can look into your mind. Look into everyone's mind. You have yet to remember this, is all." Dumbledore smiled again.

"Why are you here, old man?" Sirius asked with the voice of one who carries all the grief of the world on their shoulders.

"I often times ask myself why I do such things. In all honestly, I should hate you for what you did, how you betrayed us all. Yet, I find it in my heart to come, to see you through your fear. I will continue to come until you remember, until you remember everything, Sirius.

"There will be times when you do not want me here, like right now. There will be times when I do not want to be here, but yet I will continue to come. No matter what you did, you need someone to be there for you. Even the greatest servant of the Dark Lord will have a need for personal relationships. I intend, against the wishes of everyone in the Order, to be this person for you." Dumbledore explained.

"I don't want you here now, or ever again, Dumbledore. If you're not here to tell me what I did, or to give me back my life, than there's no reason for you to be here! Leave, Albus, just leave and never return!" Sirius bellowed.

"No." Was all Dumbledore replied.

"Listen to me, old man. What little I remember of you is enough to convince me that you are conniving and you withhold information that could be used to make better informed decisions. It's probably all your fault that I'm here, isn't it?"

Dumbledore ignored the question, but asked one of his own in return. "And what little do you remember of me, Sirius?"

"Only that you came to me, practically begging me to become their Secret Keeper. You convinced me that it had to be me, but you didn't give me all the information. You withheld information, and I think because of that I made the wrong choice!"

"A choice, Sirius, which had to be made, whether or not you wanted to, and you know that." Dumbledore paused and studied Sirius through his deep blue eyes. "You remember them, then, do you?" He finally asked after what felt like an eternity to Sirius.

"Yes, and no. I know their faces, and their voices, but they mean little to me anymore."

"Who do you remember? How much about them do you remember?" Dumbledore pressed urgently.

"James, and his wife Lily. They have a son, Harry. Harry Potter. James, he's my best friend, isn't he?"

Dumbledore nodded solemnly, and waited for Sirius to continue.

"I remember Remus. He believed in me, until he went to Voldemort."

"Remus never went to the Dark Side, Sirius. He never did, and never will, resort to mingling with the Dark Lord." Dumbledore refuted, shocked.

"I told James he did, though. Why would I do that?"

"I have no clue. That is something you are going to have to remember." Dumbledore answered gravely.

"Oh." Sirius trailed off.

"Who else do you remember?"

"Peter," Sirius started, but stopped when he saw Dumbledore look into his eyes with keen interest.

"What?" He pressed.

Dumbledore did not reply, but stood searching Sirius' face with those startling blue eyes. Searching for what, Sirius would never be able to tell.

"WHAT?" He shouted.

"Tell me, what do you remember of Peter?"

"Nothing. He was just sort of there in a memory. He just walked into the room, I said 'Hello, Pete,' and left. Seems like a nervous little thing, really."

"Another of your best friends, as well as Remus. The four of you were practically inseparable." Dumbledore smiled, but Sirius detected another emotion hidden behind the smile.

"Why does that make you sad?" He asked quite suddenly.

Dumbledore studied his face a moment longer before answering. "The four of you will never see each other again, Sirius."

"They won't come visit me, then? Like you do?"

"Azkaban is not a place that usually draws visitors, Sirius." Was all Dumbledore said.

"But you come, and no one wants you not to! Won't they come? They're my best friends! Won't they come?"

"No, Sirius."

"Why not?"

"That, is something you are going to have to remember." Dumbledore said, as he turned to leave, the tears falling rather freely from his eyes now.

Sirius sat in his cell, staring after the one man who seemed to know everything about him. He couldn't let him leave, even if ten minutes before he had been bellowing at the man to leave and never come back. Dumbledore **_knew_ **something, something that Sirius wanted to know.

Something that Sirius needed to know.

"Who did I kill?" He asked to Dumbledore's retreating back.

Dumbledore spun around more quickly than Sirius had thought possible for the old man. "What did you say?" He asked urgently.

"I asked who I killed. Was it Snape? Because, he's the only person who I remember that I could possibly imagine killing..."

"It wasn't Severus, and it not someone who you hated."

"THEN YOU KNOW! WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME?" Sirius shouted so loud the bars of his cage rattled.

"The whole world knows what you did, Sirius." Dumbledore seethed.

"Then why won't anyone let me in on this dirty little secret?"

Dumbledore's blue eyes burned with anger at the pitiful man sitting in the dirty cell before him. The nerve of him, asking that question out right.

"If you remember that you killed someone, than you should very well remember who it was, Mr. Black." Dumbledore answered rather angrily through clenched teeth.

"BUT I DON'T!" Sirius screamed back at the old man, as he jumped up and ran towards the cell door. All he wanted to do was hurt the Professor, hurt him the way he's hurt Snape.

Dumbledore stepped back and stared at Sirius with narrowed eyes. "If you don't remember, then you will." He practically spat, as he turned and left.

Sirius stood rather dumbly at the cell door, listening to the constant, nerve-grating drip of water from an unseen source. He unclenched his fists and tried to clear his mind.

It was true; Dumbledore had proven his fears true. He had killed someone.

"Umm, Sirius?"

Sirius whipped his head over to look into Wallace cell. "What?" He snapped.

"I didn't know that you'd forgotten everything. I thought you knew. All this time, I thought you knew whom you had killed. I'm sorry, mate." Wallace muttered, as he walked into the dark depths of his own cell.

"You heard all of that?" Sirius said, seething again.

"I asked Dumbledore why he used the spell last time. He didn't answer, but I asked him to not put the spell on this time because I was worried about you. I had to hear for myself that you were alright. I didn't expect what I heard, though." Wallace answered again.

Sirius blinked slowly once or twice, before trying to form a sentence.  
  
Suddenly, Dumbledore came bursting through the door, rushing directly in front of Wallace's cell, blowing past Sirius as if he weren't even there.

"You will tell him nothing, Mr. Ripley. The punishment he gets from Azkaban is not enough for him. He deserves to be tortured by himself for what he has done. You will ...tell ...him ... nothing." Dumbledore ordered, and turned from the room again, not even looking at Sirius.

"You're going to tell me, aren't you? Even though he told you not to?" Sirius begged desperately.

"Even though I'm never going to get out of this place, Sirius, I couldn't stand knowing that Dumbledore was mad at me. I'm sorry, I can't tell you."

Sirius stared at Wallace, hardly daring to believe what he'd just heard.

"So, I've just got to remember on my own then, have I?" He snapped.

"Look, mate, I like you, and you know it. However, what you did has the lowest level of morality of any crime I've ever heard committed. You deserve not only the punishment of Azkaban, but the punishment of having to remember for yourself." Wallace shrugged.

"How do I live with that knowledge?" Sirius asked honestly.

"What knowledge, mate?"

"Well, the knowledge of knowing that the two people on earth who I know and like want to see me suffer?"

"You'll understand when you do remember, mate. I promise." Wallace answered honestly before he turned to go to the back of his cell.

Sirius said nothing. There was nothing left for him to say. Dumbledore hated him and would probably never come back. Wallace suddenly felt very sorry for him and would probably never talk to him the same way again. His three bests friends would not be coming to visit him, and he had to remember why on his own. At least, he still had the semi-crazy Jimmy to count on.

He looked over to Jimmy cell and was startled to find it empty. "WALLACE!" He screamed, "WHERE'S JIMMY?"  
  
"The Dementors, Sirius, you missed it."

Sirius stared into Jimmy's empty cell. Not even a week had passed since they had Kissed Pondex. When would they take Wallace? When would the day come when Sirius would be truly alone in his nightmarish world?

When that day came, would he cheer for Wallace as the other prisoners had during Pondex's demise? Would he cry, for losing the one person in the world he felt understood him? Would he even be sane enough then to care? Or would he sit and laugh foolishly as Jimmy had when the Dementors came for Pondex?

Only time would tell. And time was something Sirius knew he had world full of.

* * *

**Goody, a double post today! Keep reading!**


	11. Feelings

How does one live with the knowledge that they've killed someone?

How does one live that knowledge that they've killed someone, but without any other knowledge of their crime?

How does one live with the knowledge that they don't know what they did, but the rest of the world does?

Whether or not Sirius was in Azkaban, he knew he wouldn't remember what he did. He wouldn't remember whom he had killed, or why he had killed them. He wouldn't remember how many people he killed, or if they had meant anything to them.

He wouldn't allow himself to remember. He was afraid of what he would discover about his crimes, afraid of what he'd remember about himself.

He wanted to know though. He wanted to remember everything, every single moment he'd laughed, or cried. He wanted to remember his family, no matter how much he knew he was different from them, or hated them.

Most of all, he wanted to remember James.

He couldn't remember though, no matter how hard he pressured himself to do so. It was as if James, and the rest of the world, was blocked from him by some unknown, but powerful source.

He would rather die than never remember.

He knew he wouldn't die though. It was his punishment; Dumbledore had made that very clear. He would punish himself until he remembered. He knew the Dementors wouldn't perform the Kiss on him until he remembered.

He knew so much about his world since waking up in his dark cell less than a month ago. He knew what it meant to lose one of the few people he knew. Hell, he knew what it meant to lose two of those few people.

He knew what it meant to have a friend who turned his back on you because he felt that you deserved to be punished too.

He knew what it meant to have someone he'd known for a long time leave in anger, giving the impression that he would never return.

He knew what pure terror meant.

He knew without even looking that the Dementors were coming.

He knew when the Dementors performed the Kiss on someone somewhere else in the prisoner because of the way the prisoners cheered.

He knew what it meant to be alone.

Above all, he knew what it meant to hate your self.

He did hate himself.

Wallace hated him.

Dumbledore hated him.

James, Remus and Peter hated him.

He hated himself because he'd made all these people hate him. He hated himself because he didn't know why James and the others would never come visit him. He hated himself because he couldn't remember anything important.

For, the most important things in life are the memories that you have about your friends. How few of these memories did Sirius have? He could only place three memories that meant anything to him, and none of the people in them would ever come to comfort him.

How does one live with the guilt of knowing they've committed murder and that they've turned all their friends away from them? Worse, how does one live with this knowledge and suffer from it the most because they can't remember why.

For those people in the world who think they suffer, Sirius felt no remorse. He knew they didn't really suffer. No one knew suffering until they were forced to sit alone in a jail cell straining themselves to remember any fragment of a shattered life.

He suffered. Every single moment was angst for him, and those two people who knew it, didn't care.

That was enough to drive any man insane.

Yet, somehow, Sirius held onto his sanity.

He didn't know how he did it, because the Dementors had made it a habit to come onto his cellblock no less than five times a day.

He knew it drove Wallace closer and closer to insanity every day. He knew it would drive anyone closer to insanity to be visited by the Dementors that much. It didn't affect him at all.

He soon realized that this was because he was depressed, and he didn't have enough happy memories for the Dementors to take from him.

Those were the only times he ever thanked the fact that he could remember nothing. For he knew, if he did have happy memories, he would be as insane as Pondex had been.

He knew that Wallace was letting himself succumb to the death-like beings that haunted their cellblock. He knew that Wallace cared only about his brother, Pondex. He knew that Wallace wanted to be Kissed, so he could go and be in soulless peace with Pondex.

He knew that if he only talked to Wallace, he could convince him otherwise. Since the day Dumbledore had left, the day that Wallace had found out that Sirius remembered nothing, the two had not spoken.

The cellblock had been silent for close to two weeks.

At first Wallace had tried to make conversation, but Sirius didn't want to talk. Not to the one man who could tell him everything he had done, but wouldn't because he didn't want an old man angry with him.

Sirius knew Wallace thought he had lost all reason to live since he had lost Pondex and because Sirius and he had stopped talking. These two events happened in the run of a week, and it put a lot of strain on Wallace.

Sirius could have saved him, but he didn't. He didn't care anymore. Not for the man he had considered a friend for a few short days. Not for the man who had turned his back on him and decided to let him punish himself.

Sirius had asked himself if he would care when the Dementors came for Wallace. He had asked himself if he would laugh and cheer, or if he would scream and cry.

He didn't have long to wait for an answer.

Sirius counted the minutes he was in Azkaban. He didn't know how he did it, but when he succumbed to the silence, he'd started to count the seconds.

From the last time Wallace had tried to speak to him, it had been two weeks, one day, seven hours, fourteen minutes and thirty seconds.

Two weeks, one day, seven hours, fourteen minutes and thirty seconds before the Dementors came and took Wallace from his cell.

Two weeks, one day, seven hours, fifteen minutes and twenty-seven seconds from the time Wallace had last spoke was the last time Sirius ever saw the man nicknamed Hoots.

And he didn't laugh and cheer. He didn't scream. He didn't cry. In all honesty, he didn't care.

He didn't care that now he was truly alone. He didn't care that the Dementors would probably never leave the cellblock. Because, nothing mattered until he remembered.

* * *

**Sorry, I don't have time to talk to my readers, but I just want you to know that I am most definatly reading and enjoying your reviews.  
  
Secondly, I know this last chapter sort of -stank- but, I had to write it to get my own feelings towards the story in order and sort out some problems that I'd created for myself, hope you understand  
  
And last, I have a Halloween memory coming up, and I find it only fitting if I post it on Halloween, so i had to post two chapters today that were written first, I know you don't mind. And, on Sunday (Halloween, when I PLAN to post the next part) there'll be another two chapters, one with Remus as a sexy, angry werewolf :)  
  
Thanks!**


	12. The Anger Of A Werewolf

In another part of the world, across endless miles of vast ocean, a humble, old wizard sat alone in his office, watching the swirling silver contents of the stone basin resting on the desk before him.

He was deeply engrossed in the basin. He wanted no disruption, but sensed that he soon would be; he could feel the angry force of the mind coming up the stairs to his office.

He rose and walked to the heavy wooden door. He pulled it open, and walked slowly back to the desk, sitting down to stare almost absently into the basin again.

Seconds later a man reached the top of the stairs and stood at the threshold. Even in his anger, he still respected the old man and his wishes. He stood in silence, knowing that Dumbledore was the only one welcome to break the silent atmosphere.

Dumbledore didn't have to look up to know who the man who now stood at his doorway was. He recognized the way the thoughts screamed at him; how often he had heard them during the long years he had known the man.

Seconds stretched into minutes, which felt like an eternity to the man waiting patiently at the door. Finally, Dumbledore found his composure and began to speak.

"Memories are fascinating things. Things which we take for granted everyday, don't you think, Remus?"

"There are some that I could do without, Professor." Remus answered.

"I think we all could do without many memories. I cannot imagine losing them all, though." Dumbledore said, consciously directing the conversation the way he wanted it to go, but not quite the way he felt Remus wanted it to go.

For that was why Remus Lupin was there. He wanted to talk about Sirius, his friend who had betrayed them all. He wanted to know if he was suffering. He wanted to know if the rumors that Sirius had pleaded innocent were true. He wanted to know, and he knew that Dumbledore had the answers.

"That's not what I want to talk about, Professor, but it's an entirely riveting line of thought. Shall we discuss it at another time?" Remus said, showing his anger through sarcasm.

"Please, Remus, you are no longer my student, you needn't address me as 'Professor' and more."

Remus gave no answer; he only stood at the door, watching Dumbledore with cold eyes.

"However, what I have said about memory is more related to what you came here to speak about then you know." Dumbledore paused, before inviting Remus into the room. "Please, come in and sit. We can better discuss the matter at hand if we're both comfortable. Especially since I believe that this is going to be a lengthy conversation."

Remus entered the room and sat down across the desk from Dumbledore without saying anything. The door magically swung shut behind him, but neither man paid any attention. After all, how would Hogwarts run without magic?

"Remus, young friend, I know that you've come here to talk about Sirius, to find out why he pleaded innocent to the charges. To find out how he could have betrayed his friends and the Order, to who he'd sworn a Life-or-Death Oath of Secrecy. You want to know why the call of Voldemort was more powerful than that of his life long friends and those he trusted. You want to know if Azkaban makes him suffer. But there's something else, I can see it in your eyes. You want to know if the great Sirius Black cowers before the Dementors, you want to know if he's afraid."

Dumbledore surveyed Remus for a moment, before he added; "You want to know everything, you want answers. You believe that I have these answers, but I don't, Mr. Lupin."

"But you do, Dumbledore! You went to see him that first day! You've spoken to the man, Albus! YOU KNOW WHY!" Remus roared, his anger suddenly evident to those who didn't possess the talent of Occlumency. "You've stared into his treacherous eyes, read his murderous thoughts! Explain to me why he pleaded innocent to killing Peter when there were all those witnesses! I NEED TO KNOW, DUMBLEDORE!"

The Headmaster blinked slowly and put his long, thin fingers together. Staring at Remus under his half moon glasses he sighed. "That's where you're wrong, Remus. I have read his thoughts, yes, but they told me nothing. But Remus, you need to know; there's something about Sirius that you don't understand."

"I must understand why he did it, is all that I need to understand!" Remus roared, causing many of the witches and wizards in the pictures on the wall to murmur in disbelief at the mans rage.

"Remus, will you be honest with me for a moment?"

"I could be, if it all relates." Remus growled.

"It will, I promise." Dumbledore smiled and looked into the basin once again. "Remus, Sirius knew that you were a werewolf, didn't he?"

Remus blinked. Of course Sirius knew that. They had been friends since they met on the first day of school. Even though Remus had wanted to keep his secret hidden from everyone except the teachers who already knew, he found it hard to make up a lie every month about where he went.

Finally, he accepted them as true friends, and praying that they would understand, he had told them what he was.

Remus nodded at Dumbledore. "Yes, Professor, he knew."

"And I suspect that he understood that, and gave you time to talk about it?" Dumbledore questioned.

"Of course he did. We wouldn't have remained friends after that, if he hadn't." Remus practically spat.

"Then you will now give me a chance to explain about Sirius, and allow yourself to understand what I'm about to tell you?"

Remus nodded slowly. Finally, after a month, he was going to get some answers about his old friends actions.

"Remus," Dumbledore began, "I assure you, Sirius is receiving the worst punishment possible while he is wasting away in the depths of Azkaban."

Remus smiled. _Good_, he thought to himself, _he deserves whatever punishment he gets. The bastard deserves every single thing that happens to him._

Dumbledore sighed, before continuing. "Remus, I can't tell you why he did it, I can't tell you why he killed Peter, and I can't tell you why he found Voldemort so compelling. I can't tell you how he could possibly turn over his best friend's hiding spot to him, and I can't even begin to understand how he thought you were deserting sides and sneaking to Voldemort behind all of ours backs."

Remus stared at the old Headmaster in disbelief. "He thought I... WHY IN THE HELL WOULD HE THINK THAT? I WOULD NEVER BETRAY EVERYONE I LOVE. I AM NOT A MURDERER LIKE HIM, I'M NOT A DESERTER LIKE HIM. I WOULD NEVER RESORT TO MINGLING WITH THE LIKES OF HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED!" Remus erupted.

Dumbledore sat calmly, waiting for the man in front of him to end his rant. _There is so much he needs to work out for himself before he can truly understand everything. But, I'm afraid if I don't give him any answers, he will do something he will regret. He did, after all, just lose his three best friends, and desperate men will do anything to make sense of a situation._

Dumbledore surfaced from his thoughts and realized that Remus was standing, seething in anger in the middle of a pile of books and broken knick-knacks.

_Ah. Physical anger. I cannot let this man leave here without any answers. He would surely hurt something, or someone. _

"Remus, please sit down, and stop breaking my things. Although mostly inexpensive, I am quite fond of everything in this office. Even you, Remus, young friend."

Remus settled himself back into his chair, but Dumbledore knew it wouldn't be long before the werewolf would erupt again.

"Now, Remus, please listen to me. On my most recent visit to Azkaban, Sirius confided in me that he told James that you were going to betray everyone; that you had joined Voldemort." Dumbledore stopped, with high hopes that Remus' reply would be calm.

"Why would he think that about me, Albus?" Remus said through gritted teeth, using obvious effort to keep himself from yelling again.

"I do not know, and he couldn't tell me why."

"No, he wouldn't tell you why." Remus barked.

"No, he couldn't tell me why. Remus, please listen."

"Just tell me already, Dumbledore, or I will start breaking things again."

Dumbledore smiled. It was good to see Remus expressing emotion finally. Ever since Peter had died, Remus had been so emotionless. Dumbledore had expected the werewolf's anger long before this.

"My young friend, Sirius doesn't remember anything."

"What?"

"His memory is gone, Remus. He remembers nothing before waking up in Azkaban the first night he was there."

Remus stared at Dumbledore in extreme disbelief. _Does he think I'm stupid?_ The werewolf growled to himself, _does he honestly think that a lie like that will make me forget my anger? Why does he lie for the backstabber? Why won't he just tell me the truth?_

It was then that he felt the familiar twinge that he knew so well, the feeling that someone was looking into his brain. He glared in Dumbledore's direction and snarled.

_Get out of my mind, old man._

Dumbledore looked shocked, but not at Remus' rudeness, but at the comment which was familiar to him; old man.

"Sirius called me that when I last saw him." Dumbledore muttered.

"What?" Remus asked.

"Sirius..." Dumbledore began only to be cut off by the werewolf.

"I heard what you said, but I don't understand it. You said 'when you last saw him' and a few minutes ago you said 'on your most recent visit to Azkaban.' Am I to understand that you've been to see Black more than once?"

"Correct." Dumbledore bemused, knowing that Remus would erupt again.

"YOU KNEW I WANTED TO GO, DUMBLEDORE! YOU KNEW I WANTED TO GO, AND YET YOU WENT ALONE, AGAIN! WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME SEE THE MAN WHO KILLED THOSE WHO HE LOVED?"

"REMUS LUPIN!" Dumbledore stood up and bellowed to get the attention of the raving man before him. "I knew if you went you would only get angry as you have done here. Sirius does not need that right now." He finished firmly.

"So now you care more about the feelings of that scoundrel than you do for the feelings of THE ONE WHO IS STILL LOYAL TO YOU?"

"That is not how it is at all, Remus. I simply meant that it would do you no good to go and spread your anger onto the man who is suffering the worst punishment possible, and you would get no benefit from it. The man does not remember ANYTHING, Remus, he wouldn't have the sweetest clue as to why you were tearing a strip out of his flesh."

"STOP SAYING THAT HE DOESN'T REMEMBER! HOW DO YOU FORGET KILLING SOMEONE, AND BETRAYING YOUR BEST FRIENDS SO THAT THEY WOULD DIE TOO? HOW DO YOU FORGET EVERYTHING?"

_What a small-minded being Remus turned out to be. I understand his anger, but I had hoped that he would more easily have understood this. Why can't he just accept that Sirius remembers nothing?_

"I can't stop saying what's not true." Dumbledore admitted.

Remus stared at the Headmaster, very baffled. _Is he telling the truth? Does Sirius forget everything? No, Sirius is above that, he wouldn't let himself forget everything._

_Or would he?_

"Remus?" Dumbledore asked, apprehensively.

"Yes, Professor?"

"You understand why you can't go to him?"

"No." Remus said, and Dumbledore saw that behind the anger there was another emotion that Remus had outstandingly hidden up until that point.

He saw the tears in Remus' eyes, and knew that even though he hated Sirius, Remus had not yet thrown away the years of friendship that the two had shared.

"You don't only want to see him because you're angry, do you?" Dumbledore asked, but Remus did no answer.

"I will not permit you to visit him, Remus, and here's why. You are too angry with him. For a man who remembers nothing, their first memory of an old friend should not be one where there is an immense anger. Sirius doesn't need his first memory of you being you trying to mangle him, Remus. I know that you believe me that he remembers nothing, or else you wouldn't be near tears now. You want to believe that because he forgets, you can readily convince him to desert Voldemort, as he once did us. You want to hold on to the hope that there is still some good inside of him.

"I can't permit you to do that, Remus. You can't go see him, because you will create something in him that he needs to discover on his own. Memories, Remus, you would give him back many memories, memories that have to be remembered on his own time. You cannot go see him until he remembers everything." Dumbledore explained slowly, letting the werewolf who was near tears hear everything.

Remus said nothing, but sat blinking back the tears. It was true he did feel pity for Sirius. Even if he had killed Peter, and betrayed Lily and James, Remus still believed that Sirius had some good left in him. He believed that the old Sirius Black was hidden away in the body of the convict somewhere, and that he could bring him back.

"Remus, promise me you will not go to see him." Dumbledore ordered strictly.

"That's a promise that I can't make, Professor." Remus uttered quietly, as he stood from the desk to leave the room.

"Remus, please come back!" Dumbledore flailed after the werewolf, but to no avail. He sighed, and looked back into the basin. He had failed.

By keeping Remus away from Sirius, he was saving Remus much more heartache than he needed, but Remus wouldn't, no, Remus couldn't stay away. In his heart, he wanted the comfort that Sirius had provided to him many times over the years before.

He didn't realize that in his present state, Sirius would only hurt him even more.

Worse yet, Sirius would believe that Remus had forgiven him.

The worst, however, was the realization that Remus could let slip at any moment the knowledge that Sirius so hungrily ached for – the knowledge of whom he had killed.

Dumbledore stole one last glance into the stone basin, and watched the memory playing out before his eyes, before he tore from the room trying to catch Remus and dissuade him from going to Azkaban, for the good of himself, and Sirius.


	13. Halloween

**Disclaimer: You know the deal, except two characters here (Carly and Ali) all characters and places belong to JKR. As a side note, Carly and Ali are real people, Carly is actually me (and I've written the character me exactly as I am) and Ali is one of my best friends, and she's writen basically the way she is too.  
  
And, just so you know, when Remus refers to Sirius as "Sir" that's not Sir, like "May I take your coat, Sir?" It's more like sear, as in the first syllable of Sirius's name. Enjoy.**  
_

* * *

Sirius woke up and stretched with a huge smile on his face. He'd been waiting months for this day, this night. He smiled again as he looked over at the sleeping form of Remus on his coach._

_"Today will be a night we'll never forget, old friend." He laughed as he pulled on some clean clothes, and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast._

_Twenty minutes later Remus entered the kitchen, singing "The Monster Mash."_

_I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.  
For my monster from his slab began to rise, and suddenly to my surprise he did the mash..."_

_"Ah, Remus, you're awake!" Sirius called from the stove where he was frying eggs and bacon._

_"Sirius, couldn't we have something a little more spooky for today? I'm getting so sick of your bacon and eggs." To which he added "No offence meant to your cooking!" when he saw the look that Sirius gave him._

_"How about eggs for breakfast, and I'll whip up something special for lunch. Besides, I'm practically finished these. Grab a plate and pull up a chair." He finished as he flipped the eggs over._

_Remus smiled, and walked to the counter where he picked up a plate, and rummaged through the drawers until he found his favorite fork._

_"Why do you always use that one?" Sirius asked the question which had been on his mind for days._

_"I'm a werewolf, Sirius. Practically all of your silverware is made out of, well, silver, this one's not. But, if you'd like, I could use another just to please you. Mind you, it would probably kill me." Remus joked._

_"Oh, right." Sirius flushed pink.  
_

_"Anyways, what's the plan for the day, Sir?"_

_"Well, after breakfast we should go to London and pick up our costumes, silly." Sirius smiled as he served Remus his breakfast._

_"I can't believe you're making me get dressed up tonight."_

_"For a Halloween party. Remus, EVERYONE will be dressed up. You'd feel even more silly if you didn't, you know." Sirius smiled as he whisked about the room._

_"I don't have a problem with dressing up, it's just the costume you've picked out for me!"_

_"What? The rock star costume? Come on, Remus, everyone knows that the ladies love a man in tight leather pants who carries a guitar."_

_"No, Remus, groupies love a man in tight leather pants who carries a guitar."_

_Sirius laughed; as he friendlily punched Remus on the arm as he sat down to eat himself._

_"Seriously, Sir, do you think I'll look alright?" Remus asked apprehensively._

_"Your are gorgeous, my friend, and I mean that in a completely heterosexual way, there's no way the rock star look won't suit you."_

_"I don't know... People will be able to see the scars." Remus muttered as he looked down at his shirtless body and frowned as he traced the livid, white scars with his eyes._

_"No one will be looking." Sirius reassured him._

_"Sirius, if I'm going to look as good as you say I'm going to, then people will be looking, especially if I'm wearing an open jacket with no shirt underneath." Remus sighed._

_"Then I'm sure they won't care." Sirius said carefree as he picked his coffee cup up and placed it against his lips. "Ahhh, nothing like a nice caffeine kick to start out the best day of the year."_

_  
_

_Hours later Remus and Sirius were spotted leaving Diagon Alley each carrying bags overflowing with leather and lots of spiky jewelry_

_Remus nearly fell over as he tripped over a squat man with dirty brown hair._

"_Peter!" He called, as he helped pick up his short friend, which was a difficult task considering the amount and bulk of the bags in his arms._

"_Remus, Sirius, good to see you." Peter stammered, as he glanced nervously around, letting his eyes rest on Sirius much longer than anywhere else._

"_Coming to the party tonight, mate?" Remus asked cheerfully, ignoring both the nervous demeanor of Peter, and the rigid stature of Sirius._

"_Yeah, I think" Peter mumbled._

"_What are you coming as?" Remus asked, and Sirius noticed he was finally getting into the Halloween spirit. However, he didn't dwell long on Remus' changed attitude._

"_Remus, would you mind if Peter and I spoke in private for a moment?" He asked before Peter had a chance to answer about his costume._

_Sirius pulled Peter down a side street, and stood watching Remus, who has settled himself on to a bench to wait for his two friends._

"_Sirius," Peter started, but Sirius was quick to cut him off._

"_Have you been to see them today, Peter?" He asked curtly._

"_Not yet, I was just on my way there after I picked up my costume." Peter admitted shyly._

"_Make sure no one follows you, Peter. Make sure." Sirius pressed._

"_Naturally." Sirius stared at Peter, who nerves seemed to be shot._

"_Are you alright, mate?"_

_Peter regarded Sirius, and Sirius got the impression that there was something that he wanted to tell him, but Peter said nothing._

_He shook his head; he was probably just imagining things. "Peter, they trusted me, and I couldn't handle what they wanted. You took this task from me knowing the danger you would be putting yourself into. You're a good man Peter, I'm sure when the danger is over James and Lily would gladly do anything to repay you. Even if they don't, I will. I will make sure you get what you deserve for your actions. I will repay you they way I see fit."_

_Peter said nothing, but merely nodded._

_Sirius smiled, and finished; "You hold their future in your hands, Peter, take good care of them for me." before he walked away._

__

_Back at Sirius' house, the two men were struggling into skintight leather pants._

"_Ug, Sirius, I don't think these fit me! They're too big!" Remus called into the next room._

"_Bloody hell, Remus, do you have silver pants?"_

"_Yes, why?"_

"_Those are mine! No wonder I can't get these ruddy things up over my ass, you're so damn skinny!" Sirius called, as he tossed the black leather pants across the hall to Remus, only to receive a face full of silver._

"_Thanks." He grumbled._

"_Sir, I'm very well beginning to doubt you now. I don't even like Halloween." Remus said, while struggling into his own overly tight pants._

"_Come on, everyone loves Halloween, Rem." Sirius laughed._

"_No, not everyone. I personally detest it, a lot. Now, promise not to laugh." Remus said shyly as he walked into the room Sirius was getting changed._

"_Nothing like checking to make sure I'm fully dressed or anything, now is there?" Sirius chuckled, as he snapped on a leather bracelet._

"_Not at all, Sirius Now, how do I look?"_

_Sirius gave his friend the once over, and then gave him two thumbs up._

"_Thanks, I think..." Remus trailed off, before looking at Sirius' pants. "Hey, how come your got silver ones, and I only got black? You're going to stand out more than I am..." He said, sadly._

"_This coming from someone who doesn't even like Halloween? Besides, your hair's going to look so much better than mine, we'll call it even." Sirius laughed._

"_Hair? Sirius, you didn't say anything about getting our hair done!"_

"_Oh, I didn't? That's probably because I knew you would never go for it, Rem." Sirius smiled, as he picked up the rest of his accessories from the pile on the bed and slipped them on to his arms. "Well, let's go, there's no way I'm letting us miss our hair appointments._

"_Oh, Sirius, I hate you."_

__

"_Sirius, I really do hate you." Remus grunted through his teeth as the two friends walked from the barbershop later that afternoon._

"_Oh, really? I see nothing about me to hate." _

"_Sirius, do you see my hair? Do you see how horrible this is? Honestly, Sir, was it supposed to look like this? I've never seen anyone's hair look like this!" Remus snarled._

"_Then you've never seen David Bowie, have you?" Sirius asked earnestly._

"_Unlike you, Sirius, I don't actively follow Muggle entertainment."_

"_Pity, because David's brilliant. And besides, everyone will love your hair, it's a lot better than mine..." Sirius growled._

_Remus realized that he hadn't even taken notice to Sirius' hair yet; he was so preoccupied with his own. One look, however, was enough to have him laughing his ass of practically for almost ten minutes._

_Sirius walked along silently, letting Remus' laughing ad to his own anger. It wasn't his fault he'd let his normal hairdresser do Remus' hair, leaving him with the trainee. _

_Finally, he snapped, "Are you quite done, yet, Remus? Just be thankful that you're hair looks good!"_

_Remus stopped laughing almost instantly, but quickly developed into snickers again as he glanced Sirius' way. "Sorry, Sir, but you have to admit, it is funny. I mean, there's no possible way that any rock star would have curly hair."_

_"Not this curly, anyways. I was supposed to look like Slash from Guns N' Roses... I hate that stupid trainee..."_

_"Well, Sir, if it makes you feel any better, I don't know who Slash is, and I expect that no one else will, so maybe they'll think that it's supposed to look like that." Remus answered honestly._

_"God, I can only hope. Now, let's get home and have something to eat before we head for the party."_

__

_About two hours later, Remus and Sirius were trudging through the crisp autumn leaves headed to the one place they never thought that they'd be returning to – Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry. _

_"What a genius idea of Dumbledore to have the party at the school." Remus thought out loud._

_"Nah, it's just to make sure nothing happens to anyone in the Order, and their families. He knows he can protect us there." Sirius replied. _

_"What are Lily and James doing tonight?" Remus asked._

_Sirius felt a pang of guilt, he hadn't told Remus that Peter was their secret keeper now, and he wasn't going to. He just couldn't trust Remus; after all, that was why he had begged James to switch Secret Keepers, because Remus was deserting them for Voldemort._

_However, he couldn't let Remus know that he suspected him, which was why he'd let him live with him the past few weeks while he own house was being renovated with money left to him by his parents._

_He did, however, wonder how James would be spending Halloween. It would be their first Halloween apart since they'd met their first year at Hogwarts. He hadn't thought to ask them before they switched him and Peter as Secret Keepers what they'd be doing._

_He sighed, and realized that Remus was still waiting for an answer. "Staying in," he laughed, hoping Remus would find the humor in the simple comment._

_"What else would they be doing?" Remus returned with laughter of his own._

_Sirius smiled and shook his head. He had no reason to get worked up tonight. He trusted Peter, there was no reason not to. He smiled again, yes; this would be a Halloween he would never forget._

_"Hmm, Sirius?" Remus asked._

_"Yeah?"_

_"I think I see our dates."_

_"Dates? Remus, we don't have dates. Remember, we figured that since we were chaperones we wouldn't bring dates. Not that I really waned to chaperone a bunch of teenagers, but I couldn't turn down one of Dumbledore's parties..."_

_"Sirius, you're rambling again. Besides, we used to be a bunch of teenagers. And since I knew you'd have some surprises for me, like the hair, I planned this nice surprise for you. Anyhow, it was you who made the no date rule, I never agreed to that. Now, look alive, here they come."_

_"They who, Remus?" Sirius asked, but Remus didn't answer, he simply nodded his head in the direction of two women coming towards them._

_"No, you didn't!" Sirius hissed, as he stomped hard on Remus' foot._

_"Why yes, I did. I can't fathom why you've never asked her out yourself, I know how much you like her." Remus answered, and smiled as the two women stopped only feet away. "Well," he smiled, "shall we?" Then he took the arm of the blonde haired girl and escorted her through the front doors of the castle._

_Sirius stood rather awkwardly, looking rather embarrassed._

_"Well," the girl began, "it seems that Remus and Ali have left... So, it's just the two of us..." The girl smiled, "I know this was a surprise, but I'll leave if you want me too..."_

_Sirius practically melted in the girl's smile. How long he had watched her silently falling more and more in love with her, and yet he hardly even knew her._

_"Carly," he smiled, "I've wanted to ask you out for a long time."_

_"Oh, I know, buddy, I know. Now, let's go, it's freezing out!"_

_Sirius smiled and put his arm around his date and escorted her to the doors._

_"You know, Sirius, I have a rock star fetish." She said suggestively, looking at Sirius' costume._

_Sirius smiled, "Why else would I have chosen this outfit?" _

__

_"I'm glad James isn't here." Ali admitted while the four friends were roaming around the room, watching the teenagers laughing and dancing._

_Remus and Sirius stopped and looked at her. "You're not serious." Remus said bluntly._

_"No, that's me!"_

_"Ah, Sir, knock it off. We're all getting a little sick of that one." Remus muttered, still giving Ali a questioning look._

_"Don't worry," Carly said into his ear, "I think it's cute." Sirius smiled, and turned to face Remus and Ali, who were already deep into discussion about Ali's dislike of James._

_"I mean, what's he ever done to you?" Remus was asking._

_"Nothing, but you know how he treated Snape." Ali began only to be cut off by Remus._

_"And look at how Snape treated him. Ali, you can't honestly say that you like Snape more."_

_Ali was about to protest when Sirius sighed. Remus and Ali made a perfect couple, but they constantly argued._

_"Come on you two, can't we just forget it for tonight? It is Halloween, after all." Sirius suggested._

_"Alright, Sirius, just because it's your favorite time of the year, we'll lay off the bickering for you," Remus laughed._

_Ali smiled, "Besides, I don't like when we fight, Remy-Semy "_

_Carly and Sirius smiled, secretly laughing at the pet name._

_"By the way, Remus, I love your outfit, very Labyrinth-esque of you." Carly added._

_"Very what now?"_

_"Your hair, it's just like David Bowie's from the movie Labyrinth."_

_"Oh, yeah, that was Sirius' idea..." Remus trailed off._

_"What, don't like my hair?" Sirius asked dejectedly._

_"Well, I do, but Slash has never, and will never, be anywhere near as sexy as David Bowie, hon." Carly smiled._

_"Pet names already?" Sirius asked, quickly forgetting about his hair._

_"Oh, sorry, it's what I call my dog."_

_"And do I look like a dog to you?"_

_Remus broke out laughing, while Carly bumbled to answer. "No, not really, it's just a habit, is all." Then, looking utterly embarrassed, she added, "Ali, bathroom break?"_

_Ali nodded and the two girls rushed off to the bathroom._

_"My god, she's amazing." Sirius bemused to Remus._

_"And if she only knew how much of a dog you were, Sir." Remus added._

_"Remus, that's a secret, my friend. Besides, you're more dog than me, Rem."_

_Remus sighed sadly, "No, I'm more wolf than you are dog..."_

_Sirius sighed, knowing that the full moon was only a week away._

_"No tonight, Sir." Remus ordered._

_"What?"_

_"I won't have you feeling sorry for me tonight. It's your favorite night of the year, I won't ruin it." Remus smiled, and then he added, "Hey, you haven't seen Peter tonight, have you?"_

_Sirius suddenly got very alert, as he glanced around, searching the room for Peter._

_"Something isn't right... I've got to talk to Dumbledore... Entertain Carly until I get back..." Sirius said absentmindedly as he ran off._

__

_Sirius came up behind Dumbledore, who was standing by himself in the center of the Great Hall. "Albus," he began, "have you seen Peter?"_

_"Why no, I haven't. Lovely evening though, isn't it?" Dumbledore replied._

_'Oh yes, just wonderful. Ah, Dumbledore, there's something that I must tell you, but it's going to have to wait. I have to go do something... Find Peter... Make sure they're alright..." He trailed off as he dashed from the Great Hall, leaving Dumbledore standing confused, and headed to Peter's house._

_As he reached the grounds, he transformed into a large, black dog and began to dash through the crisp, autumn night._

_"Ah yes," the dog thought, "this will be a Halloween I'll never forget.

* * *

**There you go, I hope you liked them, even if they were long.  
I don't know when I'll post the next chapters, seeing as I don't have them written yet, but I wouldn't expect them anytime within the next week.  
And now, to keep you all involved, I'm going to be hinting at a spoiler here. I'm not sure when Bellatrix came to Azkaban, was it before or after Sirius? Methinks I see a new cell mate for Sirius either way. I just need to know when she came to Azkaban, if any of you know!**_


	14. Lessons From A Black

Just a disclaimer up here; no places or characters belong to me, etc., etc.

* * *

Sirius suddenly shot awake, breathing frantically in the dark of his cell.

_What in the hell was that? Did I just turn into a dog?_

Sirius tried to clear his mind, but he kept seeing himself running from the Great Hall and turning into a dog.

_That makes no sense. How would I be able to do that?_ Suddenly, he found himself thinking about something he hadn't even given a second though until that very moment.

_Was it Voldemort? Is what everyone's saying true? Am I Voldemort's biggest follower? Am I his most trusted and most loyal servant? Could he have taught me how to do that?_

Sirius sighed, unable to come up with any explanation for anything, but content with the fact that he now had a happy memory of Remus. He smiled to himself in the dark, still pondering over what the memory all meant.

For the following hours Sirius replayed the memory over in his head, looking for any clues about why he had been so anxious to find Peter, or why he had been able to transform into a dog. He found, however, that the more he thought about it, the more he felt tired, as if thinking required all of his energy. Which he didn't understand, because thinking wasn't that hard at all.

_Maybe it's hard for you because it's all you want. It's that punishment Dumbledore was talking about, the punishment that you're putting on yourself._

_But why am I punishing myself?_

_Whatever I did, whomever I killed, I must truly believe that killing them was a mistake._

_And that's why I'm punishing myself, because I killed someone by accident?_

_That may not be the reason. There are hundreds of other explanations, I'm sure._

_Then which one is right?_

Sirius realized that fighting with himself was not only pointless, but also very confusing. Neither side of his conscience had the answers, so he decided that he was going to stop arguing with himself, at least for the time being, and try to get some sleep.

In his dreams, Sirius found the answer to many questions he'd been asking since he first realized that he knew so well the face of the full moon.

_"I've figured it out, James." Sirius whispered quietly into James' ear while the two friends walked to class through an empty hallway._

_"Figured what out?" James asked._

_"Remus. I think I've figured it out!"_

_"Sir, he told us, there's nothing to figure out. He goes home to see his sick aunt every month."_

_"Honestly, James, you are so daft sometimes." Sirius pushed James out of the way of a group of Seventh Years._

_"Ug, look at them, thinking they own the school, or something, just because they're Seventh Years. Like it would hurt them to move out of our way for once." Sirius said loudly enough that the Seventh Years could hear._

_"Anyways, James, I don't think he goes to visit a sick aunt. I mean, remember the first day we met, he said he didn't have any family besides his parents?"_

_"People sometimes don't like to talk about family members who are dying, Sirius." James whispered as more Seventh Years walked past._

_"My God, we're walking here!" Sirius yelled, as many of the older girls shot him dirty looks._

_"I know some people don't like to talk about that, James. I mean, I don't even like to talk about my own family. Lousy inbreeds, is all they are. All, the same, haven't you noticed some things about how he looks when he leaves, and when he gets back?"_

_"Yes, Sirius, and I suggest you just drop it, before you learn something you don't want, or need to know." James spat as he pushed his way through the crowds, away from Sirius._

_"What in the hell? James, come back!" Sirius called, as he ran after James, finally catching up with him just outside the Transfiguration classroom._

_"What, Sirius?" James pressured._

_"You know, don't you?"_

_"Yeah, I know that he has a sick aunt, and that, that's where he goes each month." James huffed._

_"James Potter! You've been my best friend as long as I've known you, I know you very well, and I know that you're lying to me right now." Sirius stared hard into James' eyes._

_"No, I'm not." James bluntly said, as he turned and walked away from Sirius again._

_"He's a werewolf, isn't he?" _

_James spun around and glared at Sirius. "Why don't you just tell the whole world then?" He yelled._

_"James, there's no one here! I'm not that much of an idiot!"_

_James narrowed his eyes at the teenager with shaggy black hair standing a few feet away from him. "Then maybe you should forget what you just asked me." He sputtered, as he whipped around again, only to trip over the squat figure of Peter who had come down the hallway behind him._

_"Erm... I needed to find you; I needed help with my homework. So I got out the Marauder's Map, to see where you two were. I found you, but you'll never guess who else I saw..." Peter trailed off when he saw the looks of anger on the faces of both his friends. "Err, did I come at a bad time?"_

_"Not if you're going to tell us who I think you're going to tell us." James muttered quietly._

_"James, answer my question." Sirius ranted from the background._

_"Yes, Sirius."_

_"And he told you? And you never told me? Need I remind you who your best friend is, James?"_

_"Yes, he told me, but only because I figured it out, like you. He made me promise not to tell. And no, you don't need to remind me, but I think you might need reminded." James hissed._

_"Hello?" Cried Peter from behind James, "Can someone tell me why Remus, who's supposed to be in France visiting a sick aunt, was just seen on the Map with Professor Dumbledore heading towards the Forbidden Forest?"_

_"Because there is no sick aunt, Pete." Sirius said rather rudely._

_"They're not headed to the Forbidden Forest, Peter. They're going to the Whomping Willow."_

_"Why in the hell would any man in their right mind go near that thing?" Peter gasped._

_"Give us the map, Peter." James answered._

_Peter pulled the map from his pocket and handed it to James._

_"Look, Sirius, they're just about to leave the grounds." James pointed to two moving dots on the map._

_Sirius ran to James' side, "James, why are they going to Hogsmeade?"_

_"That's where the Shrieking Shack is, Sir. That's where he goes."_

_"HELLO!? Will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on?"_

_James and Sirius looked at each other. "I'm going to tell him, James. He's Remus' friend, too, he has every right to know."_

_"Know what?" Peter asked anxiously._

_"Sirius, don't."_

_"I know when friends deserve to know things, James, and this is one of those things."_

_"Are you preaching me on how to be a friend?" James pushed._

_"And if I am?" Sirius spat._

_"Well, that's rich. Teachings on how to be a good person coming from a Black." James sneered._

_Sirius stared at James, his mouth curling into a sneer. "Well, I'm glad that at least I'm able to get past my name." He growled as he spun and walked away from the two boys standing bewildered outside the classroom._

_"Sirius, come back!" James called after him, but Sirius didn't even look back._

_Sirius walked angrily through the hallways, pushing students out of his way and shooting nasty looks at anyone who gave him a second glance._

_Before long he found himself outside the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. He practically bellowed the password at the portrait of the Fat Lady, and then he ran through the common room, ignoring the looks from the members of his house who were there. His feet pounded on the stairs on his way to the dormitory, never stopping until he collapsed onto his bed, where he finally let himself start to cry._

_Several minutes later he sat up and wiped the tears from his face, realizing that he was being childish. James said a lot of things that he didn't mean most of the time when he was mad. There was no way he had meant what he'd said about Sirius being a Black._

_Sirius knew a name didn't change who he was, even if James didn't realize that, they had still been best friends since they'd met._

_Sirius stood up and found himself standing face-to-face with James._

_"Oh." Sirius said, looking down at his feet._

_James didn't apologize. He didn't have to, and he knew it. He knew Sirius well enough to know that he wasn't mad anymore; if he were he wouldn't have gotten up from the bed._

_"I told Peter." He did say._

_"How'd he take that?"_

_"Well, he's warming up to the idea." James laughed._

_"That's not really funny, James. It's serious."_

_"I know, which is why we need to find a way to help him, Sir."_

_"I don't mean to sound small minded, James, but how do you help a werewolf?"_

_"It won't be easy, but there is a way we might be able to offer him some company." James suggest timidly._

_"Hey, he's my friend and all, but I don't personally feel like walking up to him when he's a werewolf and asking him if he wants to go for a bite to eat."_

_James smiled, "Of course you don't. Not even you are crazy enough for that, my friend."_

_James ducked as Sirius threw a pillow at him. "So, what do we do, then?"_

_"Well, there's something I've been reading about since Remus told me. It sounds really hard, but, and I'm not pulling our own chains here or anything, we're some of the smartest people in our Year, we should be able to do it."_

_"James, what are we going to attempt to do, old friend?"_

_"Well, there's a spell, a really difficult spell, that turns people into animals." James finally answered._

_"Animagus." Sirius muttered._

_"You've heard of it, then?"_

_"Only in passing, in Transfiguration Class."_

_"Well, that's what I propose we do then. It'll be a challenge for us, and we'll be helping Remus out. What do you say, Sirius?" James asked, biting his lip, expecting the teenager before him to reject the idea._

_"Simply brilliant."_

Sirius stirred in his sleep, shifting to get more comfortable on the muddy cell floor.

Remus stood behind the thick door that led into Sirius's cellblock. He'd traveled all this way to see Sirius, and now he couldn't bring himself to push open the door and stare into the face of the man who had once been his best friend.

* * *

**Well, Later days everyone! Yeah, I don't really have anything to say, except sorry for the two week wait!**


	15. Remus Remembers

Remus stepped back from the door, suddenly realizing that he should listen to Dumbledore, but he couldn't bring himself to leave, nor could he force himself to walk through the door in front of him.

_Oh, Remus, just get over it, what are you so afraid of?_

_I'm not afraid._ He thought, more or less trying to convince himself. _I have every right to be scared of him. He took our friendship and ended it when he betrayed James and Lily, and then killed Peter. What's to stop him from killing me the minute I walk through the door? Maybe I'm afraid because he has powers I could never even dream of. Or maybe I'm afraid oh how… No, that's not it. I couldn't do that…_

Remus stared straight at the door, the only thing separating him from the murderous man he had once called a friend.

He took a deep breath, and pushed the door open. He stood silhouetted in the doorway for a few seconds before he entered the cellblock.

He gasped at how cold it was on the other side of the door, and then he froze sold as he saw Sirius sleeping almost peacefully on the floor just feet from where he stood.

Even thought a jail door separated them, Remus felt as if he'd never been closer to Sirius then he was at that moment. A moment that Remus realized could possibly be from each of their darkest hours.

As Remus stood watching Sirius' chest rising and falling, he was put in mind of the darkest hour of someone else…

_Sirius has just been sentenced to life in Azkaban, and Remus wasn't the only one who was falling apart because of it. The other members of the Order, Dumbledore and even many of Sirius' old school mates were having problems dealing with it._

_But Remus doubted that no one was suffering as much as Carly was, and he was very correct in that assumption._

_After Ali and himself had broken up because he was obsessive over Sirius, hoping that he could turn him from Voldemort, Remus knew that he had to talk to someone. Someone who might possibly understand how he was feeling. That someone was Carly._

_He traveled to her house by Flu Powder, thinking that at that point walking was such a Muggle cliché, seeing as Muggles always went for a walk when they had things on their minds._

_He arrived at her house, only to find her staring with a blank look on her face at the wall in front of her. But it wasn't the look on her face that disturbed him it was her eyes. They were glazed over, and Remus could tell even from across the room that they weren't their usual dark brown, they weren't even brown anymore, but hazel. That was when noticed that she was shaking uncontrollably, but he knew that it wasn't because she was cold._

_She'd made herself sick. Not physically sick, but emotionally sick, and it had begun to affect her body._

_Before he even got to her side she began to talk to him, "I've been wondering when you'd be coming, Remus."_

_He stopped beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You might have lost a friend, Remus, but I lost the one man I'd let myself love in close to ten years. I know we weren't together or anything, but that doesn't change that I loved him, and that I knew that he liked me._

" _It probably doesn't make sense, but when you've lived the greater part of your life afraid of loving someone, you don't want the first person you love to do anything to hurt you. Sirius was the person I felt could be that person I could trust, and against my fear, I let myself like him. I shouldn't have, because he's hurt me worse than anyone else has._

"_He betrayed his best friends, and tore apart so many lives. What hurt me the most was how he had me convinced that he was a good guy, how I let myself believe it. Remus, because of him, I'll never be able to let myself love another person. Having someone I love betray me once was enough, I didn't need for it to happen twice."_

"_He betrayed everyone, not just you, Carly. It hurts all of us; you don't need to be making yourself sick like this. Everyone is upset about it, there should be no reason why you're suffering the most." Remus tried to calm her down, to convince her that she wasn't alone in her suffering._

"_But there's no way you could know how alone I feel right now. He was your best friend, but I bet your best friend has never betrayed you before now. If so, you might know how I feel."_

_Remus frowned, wanting to help her through the pain, but he didn't know how. He couldn't help someone if he didn't know how he or she was feeling._

"_Remus, I'm going to tell you something that I haven't told anyone in almost ten years…"_

_For the next hour, Remus sat listening intently to every word that Carly said about her tragic past with her one loved one. How she'd made one simple mistake, and he'd over reacted, turning away from her, turning all her friends against her._

_He'd stolen her trust, her friends, and drove her to a point that was quite near suicide; a point that she'd teetered on for almost two years; a point that challenged her everyday of that time period._

_When she was finished Remus understood why what Sirius has done was killing her inside, why it was affecting her worse than anyone else._

_She looked at him, and with great relief he realized that having told him what she'd kept inside for so long had taken tons of stress off of her feeble emotional state._

_She smiled, "Thanks for listening, Remus. I feel much better now. I think I needed someone to trust, someone who wasn't going to betray me. I'm glad that you're that person, Remus."_

"_Anytime, Carly, anytime. Besides, why should we be two brokenhearted beings apart if we can be two brokenhearted beings who suffer together? Don't worry, I'll always be here for you."_

Remus stood glaring at the sleeping form of Sirius. Even if five minutes before he'd had mixed feelings towards the traitor, he knew now exactly how he felt.

He hated the man he'd once considered one of his best friends. He hated him for how he'd betrayed Lily and James to their deaths, how he'd taken Harry's parents from him. He hated how he'd killed Peter and then denied it. He hated him for causing the breakup of himself and Ali. Most of all though he hated how much pain Sirius has caused everyone, especially Carly.

In the short time since Sirius' imprisonment, Carly and Remus had become so close, such honest ad loyal friends. Remus cared deeply for Carly, and helped her suffer through her pain.

Pain that had all been caused by Sirius.

_No,_ though Remus, _Sirius doesn't deserve company, no one who caused Carly pain deserves any happiness._

With that resolution, Remus decided to leave. _After all, Sirius betrayed his friends. Even if he does remember me, why would he want to see me, if I never meant anything to him in the first place?_

He turned to leave, but something caught his eye in the moonlight. He squinted in the darkness, trying to make out the strange shapes in the ground beside Sirius. He edged closer, his curiosity winning out over his fear of the inmate.

He was only two feet away from Sirius before he could fully see what it was that had caught his eye. He gasped as he realized that it was writing etched into the mud.

It was writing that belonged to Sirius, a fact that Remus would know before anyone else because of all the times he had corrected Sirius' assignments when they had attended Hogwarts.

Remus leaned closer, trying to get the best view of the writing, pressing his face against the bars, all fear forgotten as he became engulfed in the words he was reading.

The words that had been carved into the muddy ground by Sirius' own hands, words that Sirius has been writing ever since he'd started to remember the things he'd once forgotten.

Tears began to run down Remus' face as he sat in the cold cellblock, experiencing first hand the things that Sirius had never intended for anyone to see.

* * *

Well, there she blows. I'm sorry it took so long to update, I feel HORRIBLE about that. Hopefully, you'll all be able to forgive me when I tell you that it's because I've been busy with life, school, and I wrote two one-shots fics that I'll be posting within the next couple of days.  
Sorry, don't have time tonight to reply to all my readers, but thanks to my faithful ones, and thanks even more to my new readers, I hope you'll hang in with me until the end! So, until next time, have a nice read! 


	16. Memories In The Mud

Well, It's been a while, close to two months, and I'm sorry, life got in my way big time, and I just didn't feel like writing. To date, this is among my shorter chapters, and I don't feel it's among my best chapters either, sorry about that, but life really took some unexpected turns... Anyways, I'll try and update as soon as I can!

* * *

_Your name is Sirius Black, and you've spent the last two months of your life in this place, the hell. This is Azkaban prisoner, the world's most unhappy place, and you're set to spend the remainder of your life caged like a wild beast in these walls._

_Before you read anymore, let me tell you this; you don't know if you're innocent or guilty, and no one will even tell you what happened. All you know is that you killed someone, and that's why you're here._

_Writing in the mud begins to hurt my fingers, so until I get other means to write, I'll leave you with these words; you remember very little, you have no friends save but one, and you don't think that he'll be coming to see you again. You are utterly alone, save for the Dementors who ravage your thoughts endlessly._

_Until I get something better to write on, live with this short message._

The message was dated eight days previous, and Remus sat back, letting the words he'd read sink in. "He's gone crazy, writing messages to himself." He looked around, disgusted that he'd fallen victim to his pitiful emotional side again.

He sighed, shivering on the cold floor. Since he was so close to the cell, he decided that he'd take a look around Sirius's world. It was even less then he'd pictured it, there wasn't even a bed, and there was only one small window that allowed light to cascade down into the meager cell. Remus frowned, his head furrowed in thought again, feeling confused about how he felt towards Sirius.

He would have left right then, because he was starting to feel the effects of the Dementor who was standing at the door to the cellblock, if he hadn't noticed something scratched into the call wall.

He leaned against the bars again, squinting in the dark, trying to make out the jagged writing that appeared to be the continuation of Sirius' note to himself.

_So, Sirius, you've found what more I have to say, on what space I have to say it on. I find that I'm afraid that if don't tell you everything that I remember, I'll forget it all and you'll never know._

_But I don't know where to start, or how to describe everything in the fullest detail so that you'll benefit from it the best. I don't know how to make you realize that importance of the matter, or make you realize how very alone you really are._

_And believe me, Sirius; I understand all of these things about you because I am you. I am Sirius Black, a prisoner of Azkaban._

That was all that was written – scratched – into the wall, and Remus could see why. He saw the smears of blood that were littered around the message, and he saw the jagged, broken pieces of rock that were cascaded along the muddy ground beneath the words. Finally, he glanced to Sirius' hands, which were poorly bandaged, with pieces of his prison garb to stop the blood that seeped from the cuts that were a result of his labors on the wall.

Remus suddenly gasped with the realization that Sirius was desperate to remember, that he felt he wouldn't be able to live in peace until he ensured himself that he was going to remember at least some of what he had once known. Remus grasped that Sirius was trying to write down everything that he remembered now, in case he lost it all again.

Suddenly, Remus was driven to know what it was that Sirius did remember. Forgetting all about the presence of the Dementor, he began to look frantically around the meager cell, hoping to find more messages, or anything from Sirius that would shine some light on to what he wanted to know.

Suddenly, he saw it. A small, leather-bound book was placed carefully, wedged between two rocks in the wall. Remus couldn't reach it with his arms, so he slipped his wand from his robe and muttered "_Accio book_," so as not to attract the attention of the Dementor.

The book magically pulled away from the wall and flew swiftly into Remus' outstretched hands. Remus tucked the wand back into his robe, and then tucked his knees underneath of him, and pulled the notebook open.

A pen fell out, but Remus disregarded it, being much more interested in what Sirius had written. Remus let his eyes fall over the first words on the page, smiling when he recognized Sirius' misshapen "b."

_I don't know where this notebook came from. I went to sleep last night, wishing that I had an easier place to write down everything that I remember, and when I woke up, this notebook was here, with the pen. There was a note, someone had been here to see me, and they read my messages and decided that even though I'm a criminal, I deserved to tell my story._

_They left the notebook, apparently another will appear when this one is all full, and the pen will never run out of ink. Whoever was here, they truly wanted to make sure my story got told…_

_Or, maybe they care enough about me that they wanted to be assured that I eventually did remember everything, but I honestly don't know. Even if I saw who delivered these things to me, I don't know if I'd remember them at all from my past since there are very few whom I do actually remember._

_These are the people who I do remember, and in turn I'll write everything that I feel about them. I remember Dumbledore, James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Snape, Carly, Hagrid and Ali. There are also three people I first met when I woke up in this godforsaken cell: Pondex, Jimmy and Wallace._

_Those three men, along with the Dementors were the only ones who were there to keep me company, until they all died and left me to suffer the Dementors on my own, except for the madness which fills my mind during my waking hours._

_Of course, there is one other who did keep my company on a couple of occasions, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore. He seems to be a good man, but what do I know about goodness? I am, after all, just a common criminal._

_All the same, whatever Dumbledore may have seen in me, I don't think it exists anymore. We had a falling out of sorts a few weeks back. Before that, however, he visited me a couple of times and always seemed to want to help, but would never tell me why I was here. He kept on saying that everyone said he was out of place by coming to see me, but he did it and intended to do so until I remembered everything._

Remus kept reading, soaking in page after endless page of Sirius' memory and feeling, letting himself get caught in the emotion for hours, until he stumbled across a page about James.

_James is my best friend, and we attended Hogwarts together, along with Peter and Remus. I don't remember a lot about James, but inside I feel like he was more like a brother to me than a friend. He hasn't come to visit me, and I don't expect that he will; as Dumbledore said that only he had the nerve to face the man I've become._

_All the same, I wish James would come. I know he'd tell me all about the things I used to do. Hell, he might even cheer me up, but who really knows. Mostly, I want him to come so that I can tell him how sorry I am for hurting everyone, especially him. But I don't suppose I'll ever get that chance._

_And then there is Remus, the one person in the world who I know that my thoughts about in my life before Azkaban were wrong. I know I was wrong because Dumbledore has assured me that Remus would never do what I suggested._

_I feel badly because Remus, in life, was one of my closest friends and I regret that if, even for a second, I doubted him. Remus is a werewolf, but even werewolves can have a heart of gold, I see that now, and wish with all my heart that I had never treated him badly, or done anything to him that hurt him._

_Why, if only I could tell him these things, I would feel so much better. Not better because I brought myself to apologize, but better just by knowing that he knew the truth, which is something that I don't think he knows right off._

_Maybe I only want to be able to tell him because that would mean that he was here, and that he probably came on his own. Which would mean that he forgives me, or trusts me enough that he could face me. It would mean that I might not be alone for the rest of my life in this place._

_Outside of Azkaban, before all of this, I believed that Remus had gone against everyone and had joined Voldemort. I don't know why I thought it, or even if I had any proof to lead me to believe such a thing._

_However, having Remus know that I thought such I thing… I don't know. I just wish that I could tell him that I should never have doubted him, and will never doubt him again. If only Remus could know… If only any of them could know…_

That was where the entry ended. Remus flipped through the book, but couldn't find anything else written. He sighed and wiped away the tears that he never would have expected to fall. The he looked up from the notebook and found himself staring into the eyes of Sirius Black.

"Hello, Remus."


	17. Old Friends

Oh, it's been forever. Well, here it is. The new chapter. Expect one sooner than the last update, but I'm not sure when. Read, ejnoy, review )

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It was like he wasn't surprised to see Remus standing outside of his cell; it was as if he's almost expected it. "Hello, Remus." That's what he said, as if greeting an old friend at the front door for the first time in many years, or something. He didn't even have to pretend to be friendly towards Remus, it was as if they were still friends who loved and trusted each other. 

But Remus didn't trust him. A fact that he mad evident the second he'd realized that Sirius was awake. He'd backed away from the cell door and stood shaking in fear.

_No_, Sirius thought, _he might still trust me, but he's terrified of me, of that I have no doubt._

The two wizards stood in a silent stare down, neither willing to be the first to admit defeat. Sirius knew that Remus was just as strong minded as he was himself.

Finally, Sirius got bored with the childish game and broke the stare, in somewhat of a rage. _If he's going to come to visit me, he could at least get past these childish games._

His eyes traveled down Remus' body to where he had his hand clasped tightly around Sirius' black journal.

"Find anything interesting in that?" He asked, breaking the silence, as he jerked his head towards the journal.

Remus didn't answer; he didn't do anything, actually.

"You're afraid of me, aren't you, Rem? Dumbledore said that everyone is; that no one trusts me any more. Do you trust me, Rem? Or are you just here to try and show yourself that you're not terrified at the sight, let alone the thought of me. What is it Remus?"

Again, Remus didn't offer Sirius an answer.

"You come to visit me for some God-forsaken reason, you could at least be good company and be considerate of my wishes. At least tell me why you're here, why don't you?"

Still, Remus remained silent, staring at Sirius' feet with, what appeared to be, great interest.

"Be a coward, then, Rem." Sirius finished and retreated to the far corner of his cell.

However, suddenly, Remus raised his face to Sirius. "I'm not a coward, not like you." And then, almost as an afterthought, he added "And don't ever call me Rem again."

"Well, I knew you were in there somewhere, Remus." Sirius gloated as he stretched his back.

Remus, however, reverted to silence once again.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal." Sirius offered.

Remus looked into Sirius' eyes, and with all the courage he could muster said, "I don't want to make a deal with the Devil, Sirius."

Somehow from deep within, Sirius found it in him to laugh. How he managed it, he'd never know, but he laughed as if it was the last time he'd laugh (which, given the circumstances of his location, wasn't entirely impossible).

Remus looked taken back as Sirius continued to laugh. After several minutes, he could stand it no longer, and threw his hands against the bars of the cell in anger. "God, Sirius, you're such an idiot. STOP laughing, there's nothing funny about any of this.""

But Sirius couldn't stop. "FINE!" Cried Remus as he turned and stormed away from the cell, "I'll just leave then!"

Sirius stifled his laugher enough to be able to ask Remus to at least return his notebook.

Remus stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to Sirius. "Give you back your journal? That's all you want? You don't care that I'm about to walk out of that door and your life forever? You don't care that I'd leave here, without any explanation as to why I cam in the first place, or anything? You'd let me walk out as if our friendship never meant anything to you?"

Sirius sat back against the wall and look at Remus. He gave Remus that almost could have been described as quizzical. _Someone who hated me wouldn't care how I felt about throwing away all that friendship. Without even meaning to, Remus has just given me a great gift of knowledge about himself…_

But Sirius didn't reply. Remus sighed and walked forward, slipping the book through the bars of the cell door, and left it resting there. He stood awkwardly at the cell, strumming his fingers of his left hand on the cold, hard stone of the wall.

"I didn't really mean to read it you know… But… I had to know, and you were asleep. …I just had to know, Sirius.

Sirius remained sitting against the wall, but he did speak. "And did you find out what it was that you needed to know, Remus?"

Remus sighed. "I'm not really sure."

"What is it that you need to know, then? I'll tell you… If I remember."

Remus regarded Sirius for a few second, having an internal struggle if he should accept the murders' offer or just leave and draw his own conclusions.

"What's the deal, Sirius?"

"You know the deal. Here I am in Azkaban for a crime that I don't know what it is, and you come to see me but won't tell me why. I think I should be the one asking you what the deal is."

"No, that's not what I mean. You offered me a deal, what was it?"

"Willing to make a deal with the Devil now, are you?"

Remus looked at the prisoner coldly. "You're not the Devil. You're just practice."

Sirius sighed, it didn't really matter to him what Remus thought of him, be it the Devil or some other highly unusual being, like a banshee. "I thought maybe we could… trade information… or something… I guess. It sounds like a stupid idea from this side, now that I think about it, really."

"It's an honest request. Something I wouldn't have expected from a prisoner of Azkaban. What is it you want to know?""

Sirius blinked, he hadn't really expected Remus to cooperate. "Would you tell me… what I've done?"

It was Remus' turn to be taken back. "Only if you answer one thing for me first."

"That's fair enough, I expect."

"If you could live your life over, would you do anything differently?" He asked quietly.

"From what I remember, no. But, whatever I did to get me into Azkaban, I'd never do it if I had the chance. I don't know what it was, but I'd never do it again."

Both men stood in silence for several minutes. Finally, Sirius broke the somber mood by asking, "What did I do, old friend?"

Remus shook his head, "I can't tell you."

"Don't go back on your word, Remus. It's more than your pride can handle. Tell me what I've done."

"No, Sirius, I didn't mean I wouldn't tell you, I mean I can't. Saying it out loud will make it seem more real. I just… I can't."

"BUT I NEED TO KNOW!"

"Dumbledore believes it'll come to you, Sirius. He wants you to remember on your own."

"Dumbledore no longer cares for me. Now, tell me what it is that I've done."

Remus picked up Sirius' journal and closed his eyes momentarily. "It doesn't matter if he no longer cares for you, he doesn't want to me tell you what it is you've done." He stuck his hand through the bars, holding the book out to Sirius. "Keep using this, it will do you good…" He trailed off as Sirius rose and took the book from him.

"You were once a good friend to me, Remus, don't make me think otherwise now."

Remus said nothing, but simply turned his back and left the cellblock. Once the heavy steel door slammed shut behind him and the Dementor had gone off, Remus slid down the wall, and stuffed his hands into his eyes, trying to impede the tears.

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Back in his cell, Sirius held the book in his hands. As anger as he'd ever been, he ripped open the book, and pulled out the pen. He flipped viciously through the pages until he reached the first clear one. He was about to write all that had just passed when he noticed the writing on the opposite page. 

It wasn't his writing.

He blinked, and did a double take to make sure he wasn't mistaken, only to find that he wasn't. He squinted his eyes and started to read.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I said I couldn't tell you what you've done. But I believe you do need to know, even if Dumbledore doesn't want you to find out anyway but on your own._

_Sirius, this is what you've done…_

When Sirius was done reading the letter that Remus had managed to leave for him, he, like the Werewolf outside his cellblock, collapsed on the floor as the tears began to slide down his face.


	18. A Common Criminal

Disclaimer: So, I frogot the disclaimer last time 'round (baaaad, Carly), but mainly, everything original was mine, all characters and places were JKR's, except for one line I stole from "Batman Begings" (the one about the Devil and pactice). Disclaimer for this time: Characters/places are JKR's, everything else is allll mine

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It was many hours before Remus was able to bring himself to leave Azkaban. He wanted to be sure that Sirius had read the journal, but he couldn't bring himself to go back to the cellblock and find out. Instead her lingered just outside of the door, listening for any noise that would serve as confirmation, but the door was thick, and finally Remus gave up and left. 

As for Sirius, he had read the journal and was succumbing to the grief that came with the knowledge of what he had done.

The knowledge of who he had killed.

How he'd betrayed Lily and James to their deaths, and then killed, no, slaughtered Peter and twelve innocent Muggles when Peter had tried to capture Sirius.

The part that Sirius found the worst was that he didn't understand why he'd done it. Hadn't James been his best friend, and Lily and Peter also his friends? Hadn't he told Dumbledore he would be willing to die to see James and Lily safe? Why then, would he turn his back on all that and join forces with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Why had he become as evil as he felt his brother was? Would he ever remember?

Or, would those secrets remain locked in a forgotten part of his mind forever?

After Remus' visit, Sirius spend more time swelling on what he did now than he had before, which meant he spent much less time sleeping, something that wasn't particularly bad, as when he did manage to sleep he always had the same haunting dream.

In the dream, he stood back to Hagrid, both of them standing in a pile of rubble. He was standing quite still, while Hagrid paced about in an anxious manner, asking him how he could have done it, saying they'd make sure he got what he deserved for his betrayal.

Then, he'd talk. It was always the same words, always in the same flat, heartless tone. "And so will the Dark Lord, He'll make sure I get what I deserve."

Then he would turn around and Hagrid would gasp, "Yer no' yerself, Sirius."

And then Sirius would laugh. A cold, maniacal laugh which chilled the prisoner Sirius to the bone, even in his sleep. Then, amidst the peals of insane laughter he would call into the night, "Sirius Black is dead! Now only the Dark Lord lives!" And his features would begin to contort until he was no longer himself, but a pale man with snake like red eyes.

At this point, the prisoner Sirius always shot awake, grabbing at his face in desperation to make certain that it was, indeed, still his own.

He couldn't make heads or tails of the dream, but the thought was pushed from his mind one day when the cell block door was pushed open and in entered a man with a lime-green bowler hat, several Dementors, and the last person Sirius ever expected to see again, Dumbledore.

The man in the hat was chatting away about the prison, but he stopped cold when he caught sight of Sirius. His eyes narrowed as he surveyed him with great distaste.

"And you say this one's the only one left in the building?" Then, without waiting for a reply, he pushed on, "But his crimes are great, no one would care if he were, that is to say, well, you know, what I mean is, so to speak, accidentally left here when the building was demolished."

"You're more than likely right, Cornelius, but, as I'm sure the Ministry will agree, we do not have the Death Penalty for good reasons. Sirius Black may yet prove useful. He'll have to be moved, Cornelius."

Through this, Sirius had said nothing, but in the silence after Dumbledore had finished speaking, he, whose breeding and upbringing had taught him that manners mattered, rose and walked towards Dumbledore and Cornelius. Cornelius jumped back several feet in fear, but Dumbledore made no movement.

"If you're going to talk about me in front of me, you should at least have the decency to introduce yourself."

Cornelius merely blinked, staring dumfounded at the prisoner. "Is the some sort of a joke, Albus? There's no witch or wizard in the British Isles who doesn't know who I am, particularly those who've had unpleasant dealings with the Ministry, such as Black here."

Dumbledore blinked. "It's not a joke, Minister. As I have already informed you, Mr. Black has no memory of his past before Azkaban, even who you are." Dumbledore looked at Sirius, and almost at once Sirius could tell that Dumbledore didn't know of Remus' visit.

"Well, that fails to be my fault, and it's hardly in me to go conversing with common criminals such as he. He'll have to live with the fact that I'm important and he's not. Now, bring along a Dementor and we'll get this business finished." Cornelius gloated pompously.

Dumbledore rounded on him angrily. "What business is that, Cornelius?" He simply seethed.

"Well, the, the Kiss, of course." Cornelius spoke, faltering at first, but gaining more courage with every word. "I'm the Minister of Magic, I make decisions such as the-"

Dumbledore swiftly cut him off. "You're only the Minister because I've turned the position down, _twice_, Cornelius. This man may be a criminal, but I highly doubt that he is, in any way, common. As I've already said, we don't have the Death Penalty, as you well know. This man will not receive the Kiss."

Sirius, who expected that Dumbledore had more power over the Minister than he (Cornelius) would let on, dropped back in his cell, content for the time being to watch the two men, Headmaster and Minister, bicker like an old married couple.

"The Kiss doesn't kill them, Dumbledore, it just-"

But again, Dumbledore was quick to cut him off, "I know well enough what it does, Cornelius!"

"Then why not? It would be one less we'd have to worry about escaping. Besides, you said yourself; the man remembers nothing. He's as empty as shell now as he'll be after the Kiss."

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes at the Minister. "He's still a human. He's capable of speech and emotions. He is still driven by curiosity, as all men are. And memories can return, souls cannot. If this prisoner regains his memories, he may well be able to tell us others who have joined Voldemort. He'll be able to help us. Cornelius, just think of the glory you'd receive…" Dumbledore trailed off.

Cornelius struggled with himself for several moments before he agreed not to let the Dementors Kiss Sirius. As he started to leave the cellblock, Dumbledore cleared his throat. Cornelius whipped about, "Yes, Dumbledore?"

"The prisoner still needs to be moved before the building can be demolished, Minister."

"Yes, well, you can do it, since you've got the better good of this criminal in your interest. The Dementors will assist you. God day, Dumbledore."

As the tails of Cornelius' robes billowed past, and the cellblock door slammed shut, Dumbledore turned to Sirius, "I've just saved your soul, only you can save your life. Regain use of your memories, Sirius."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "But why, sir?"

"As I said to Cornelius, you may yet prove useful, Sirius. And no matter what he thinks, you're not a common criminal. Now, close your eyes, Sirius."

When Sirius awoke, there was bright sunlight streaming down on to his face. He squinted, groaned at the unexpected luminance and rolled unto his stomach.

That was when he realized, sunlight, and definitely not _that_ much, ever reached the bottom of his cell. He blinked, and once he was able to focus his eyes, he realized that this indeed wasn't he cell. In his sleep, he had obviously been moved. He groaned at the light again.

"It's a bit different, isn't it, than your old cell, Sirius?"

Sirius looked around and saw Dumbledore standing outside his new cell door. "I quite expect that you had grown quite tired of counting the same 3,751 cracks over and over again?"

Sirius blinked, still trying to understand. Finally, he shook his head as a wet dog would, "It was 3,151 cracks, sir."

"Ah, well, yes, your sevens and ones did always looks remarkably alike."

"You read my journal?"

"Bits of it." Dumbledore smiled, "I just wanted to se how far along you were with remembering. I've only got through a few entries."

"I see." Sirius regarded Dumbledore, trying to make out if the Headmaster had found the message left by Remus, but found that he could read no sign of anything on Dumbledore's face. He thought it best to change the subjects completely.

"Why the move, Dumbledore?"

"There are two buildings of Azkaban. The oldest, the original, in which you were previously housed is dilapidated, it had to be destroyed, so this new one was built and all prisoners moved here, yourself included."

"You should have let me stay in the old building, it's what Cornelius wanted."

"_The Minister_, Sirius, is a proud man, quick to assure everyone that he is in charge. But it's not up to him to decide when or where you die, Sirius. You make your own fate."

Sirius sank down on the stone floor, "You truly believe that, do you, Sir?"

Dumbledore looked shocked. "Don't you, Sirius? You who wrote one of the best essays on fate that Hogwarts has ever seen? Has Azkaban changed you so much already?"

"I don't remember, sir."

"Then why do you scorn my belief of fate?"

Sirius took a long moment before he answered. "Because no one can control their own fate when it is Voldemort who drives what everyone does."

"Wisely spoken, Sirius. But I was under the impression that you remember nothing of Voldemort."

Sirius knew that he could no longer avoid the subject. "I don't, but-"

Dumbledore was swift to cut him off, "I know."

"That Remus has been here? He's been to see you since?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "I've not seen him since before he came to see you. I told him not to come, that it would only upset him, but he came. And since no one has seen him since, I assume that whatever passed between the two of you upset him so much that he has gone underground…"

Sirius looked around guiltily. "I didn't ask for him to come. And I didn't… I… He…" Sirius closed his eyes so as not to see the hurt Dumbledore was about to experience. "He told me what I did," he finished in a whisper.

At these words Dumbledore shut his own eyes and sighed, "That was another reason I wished him not to come…" He trailed off and shook his head, "I'm sorry, Sirius, I must go." And with that, he swept from the front of Sirius' cell and down a long corridor lined with cells.

Sirius stared after him for a long while, wondering if he'd left because he had to, or if it was because he didn't have it in him to face the man who now knew he was a murderer.

When Dumbledore was finally out of sight, Sirius looked to the cell directly across from his. He found himself staring in to the heavy-lidded eyes of a fairly attractive woman who sneered at him.

But Sirius ignored the sneer; instead he was focusing only on the memory that had surfaced when he saw the woman prisoner.


	19. Of Blood And Black

A/N: Somehow, I manged to forget to not upload this chapter. Weird. So, you get two chapters today )

Disclaimer: As always, I'm nt JK Rowling, so none of these characters belong to me. Place names (except for one y'all don't recognize) also belong to her. The general idea is hers. The only thing that's mine here? The wording. Yeah.

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_  
A young, pre Azkaban Sirius was chasing a dark-haired, strong jawed, heavy eye-lidded female through the streets. He barely noticed leaving Grimmauld Place and rushing on to Dominion Atlantic Ave, as both pursuer and pursued hand wands drawn and were snarling in rage at the never of each other._

_Finally, Sirius surged forwards and grabbed the woman, pushing her to the ground._

_"Get off me, Sirius!" She screamed, as Sirius attempted to hold her down and hide her wand at the same time, as there were many on lookers now stopping to watch the struggle that was ensuing in the middle of the road._

_"Bellatrix, stop it and put your wand away. We're going to have this discussion, whether you want to or not I'll not stand by and watch another Black defile our family name. Now get up and come back to the house," and then, in an undertone he added, "Godforsaken place that is it."_

_The woman stopped struggling and pushed Sirius off her. She swiftly tucked away her wand and snarled at him, "Me? You think I'm the one making our family name filth? You're wrong, Sirius, you're the sort who does that, the same that Andromeda and those Tonks' do."_

_Sirius stopped and shook his head, the masses of black hair waving from side-to-side. Like Bellatrix, he tucked his wand away, but he didn't answer her, not right away, instead he merely turned to those who were watching and told them to mind their own business and keep out of that of his family._

_He then rounded on Bellatrix who was watching with obvious amusement. "What?" He spat at her._

_"The way you treat those Muggles. You're more like the rest of us then you're willing to let on, cousin." She seethed at him through sick smile._

_"I'm nothing like you or the rest of our family," and, with obvious spike he finished, "cousin."_

_"But of course you're not. You're a Blood Traitor. You always have been, you always will be. Being Pureblood won't save you from the Dark Lord if you go about bragging that you're a Blood Traitor."_

_"But it will save me from being forced to join him. Even if I wanted to, even if I begged him, he wouldn't have me because of that fact, which is why I'm glad I turned out different from the rest of our family!"_

_"But it will get you killed, Sirius."_

_Sirius narrowed his eyes towards his cousin, Bellatrix. His voice cold he uttered, "Don't you dare pretend that you care about my fate, you filthy coward, you only care for yourself."_

_The two walked in silence for several minutes, both using obvious effort to control their anger towards the other. The moments passed with no change, only the twitching of Sirius' upper lip, and the flexing of Bellatrix's right hand._

_Finally, they reached Number 12, Grimmauld Place and went inside. As soon as she entered Bellatrix made to pull her wand on Sirius, only to find that Sirius had used a non-verbal spell and she was then dangling upside down in the middle of the dank, dreary front hall._

_"Accio wand," Sirius said, and Bellatrix's wand went flying towards him. He easily caught it and looked at his cousin. "I told you we were going to discuss it, Bellatrix, and I meant it." He let his eyes wander around the hall as Bellatrix tried curse after curse to no avail, as she didn't have her wand._

_"No good, you know," Sirius bemused, enjoying himself immensely._

_Suddenly, from the top of the stairs a young man appeared with a loud pop._

_"Oh, it's just you, Sirius… I thought I heard Bella shouting…" He trailed off as his eyes found Bellatrix hanging in the air as if held there by invisible hands around her ankle._

_"Sirius!" He shrieked, "Let her down! What are you doing? You could kill her!"_

_"Oh, do shut up, Regulus. I know she's your favorite family member, even more so than our dear, old mother, may the Dementors get her soul, but Bella and I have business. _

_"And must you Apparate everywhere? Good on you for being able to do it, mate, but the rest of the world can do so as well, and yet they don't do it all 'round the house! Now, go away, Regulus, or else I'll curse you, too."_

_Regulus yelped and ran off in terror, leaving Sirius and Bellatrix alone once again._

_Bellatrix, who had now given in to the face that she was stuck until Sirius decided otherwise, merely smiled as Regulus scampered off. "You remember that Peter Pettigrew you always hung around with? Regulus reminds me remarkably of him, don't you think?"_

_Sirius scrunched up his face in thought. "I still do chum around with Peter, thank you very much. And if you mean the cowardliness, than, yes, I do see the similarities. There's nothing else past that. Now, if you could discontinue changing the subject, kindly."_

_"Will you let me down?" She asked hopefully._

_Sirius laughed, "No such luck, Bellatrix. You're going to stay up there while we talk._

_"Sirius, we are talking." She stated bluntly._

_"Well, that we are, but not about what we should be talking of."_

_"Biscuits?" Bellatrix chimed in eagerly, as she really loved biscuits._

_Sirius shook his head, "No, stupid, why would I want to talk about biscuits?" He looked at his cousin in a form of weird regard and then spoke quite calmly. "I won't deny that I like you, you've always been my favorite cousin from, well, the bad part of the family._

_"Members of the Order believe that Voldemort is going to try and rally as many of the Pure Bloods as he can. Your choice is to stand united with him, or, most likely, die trying to defend against him Bellatrix; he's already got to the Malfoys and the Lestranges. Now, I know you've always looked out for Narcissa, but as she's not a Malfoy, it would be wise to stay away from her._

_"And yes, by the Lestranges, I did mean that childish oaf _**_Rodolphus_**_whom you fancy. Again, I advise you to stay away from that sort of people._

_"Before he can get to our family, the Blacks, I think we should go into hiding, because I refuse to lose my family." Then, seeing Bellatrix look at him with laughter in her eyes, and realizing that he'd made himself sound like a coward, he added, "It's Dumbledore's idea. He thinks, that as a member of the Order who's from a Pure Blood family, I'm at the most risk, and he highly advises that I take any of the Blacks who would go with me, and go into hiding."_

_"You can't hide from the Dark Lord, Sirius, you should know that. Although, Lily and James are doing an amazing job of it…"_

_Sirius shook his head; "You keep James and Lily out of this, Bellatrix. What we do doesn't involve them. Now, will you come with me or not?_

_She absentmindedly began to rub her upper left arm as she answered, "Sirius, some of us refuse to hide, but are willing to accept our fate with open arms."_

_Suddenly, she dropped from the air and landed with a crash on the floor. Finding herself free, she stood up and began to run, but before she'd gone two steps her arms locked at her sides and her legs went pin straight beneath her as she crashed to the ground again._

_"Ah, Sirius, you always were so good with those non-verbal curses. Now, I say we're done our little chat, so unbind me and give me back my wand." It wasn't spoken, but cast from her thoughts into his, it was one of the few things that she was good at._

_Sirius strode towards her, and she was certain he was going to fulfill her wishes. However, he did no such thing. He stopped at her side and pulled up the sleeve on her left arm._

_There staring back at him, like a hideous blemish on her skin, was a revolting tattoo of a skull with a snake spurting from its mouth as a tongue._

_Sirius reared in anger and screwed his face in loathing. "The Dark Mark, Bellatrix? How long as it been since your joined him?"_

_Bellatrix, with equal loathing and spite, answered, again in thoughts, "Almost a year, Sirius."_

_Sirius shook his head once again and stood up. "Who else have you convince to join the Dark Side with you?" And when Bellatrix offered no answer, whether from anger or shame Sirius cared not, he strode away towards the kitchen. _

_"From this moment on, I don't care what you do with your life. I want nothing to do with you ever again, Bellatrix. But let me warn you of this; stay away from Regulus. If I ever hear even a whispered rumor that you've so much as been seen in the same town as him, I will stop at nothing to see you dead. Bellatrix, if he joins the Bad Fight, I will forever blame you," he positively growled._

_Bellatrix scoffed at her cousin with her thoughts, "He didn't need me to make a decision like that, but it's good to know that at least one of the Noble Black sons turned out right, like the rest of us._

_Sirius rounded on Bellatrix, wand drawn, "Sometimes, cousin, we'll meet again, and we'll have it out then. But for now, get out of my house and never return."_

_"Are you going to send dearest Regulus along with me? I don't very well think that he'd want to be left here with a Blood Traitor such as yourself."_

_"I'll deal with Regulus. Now, get out."_

_Bellatrix, finding herself able to stand and talk again, stood and reached for her wand, which Sirius thrust at her hastily._

_"Careful, you might take someone's eye out that way, you know," she laughed._

_"Well, I was aiming for yours, but those disgusting things you call eye-lids got in the way. Now, get the fuck out of my house and never come back._

_She turned, and spat on the ground. "I wouldn't want to come back to your house ever again, you disgusting, filthy, ungrateful Muggle lover. When the time comes, you will wish you had joined the Dark Lord; there will be none who will escape his power. You will beg for death before the end, cousin._

_"And don't worry, Regulus will be in better hands as a Death Eater than he ever could be with the Order. He's coming with me, and just you try to stop us."_

_As she finished speaking, Regulus, who had evidentially been listening from the top of the stairs, suddenly appeared by her side with a pop. He looked at Sirius apologetically and cringed when Bellatrix reached out and grabbed his arm._

_Sirius looked at his brother, and noticed that he was, for the first time in many months that he could remember, not wearing a shirt. Sirius could see the same ugly brand on his arm as was on Bellatrix's. He sighed, knowing he could not turn Regulus from the path he was now on._

_"Let's go to our Master, Regulus. This is where the fun begins." She laughed, pulling Regulus towards the door as she walked off._

_Sirius, seeing the look of terror on Regulus' face, plainly said, "I may be a Blood Traitor, Bellatrix, but Regulus and I share the same the blood, and I can tell when he's frightened that he made the wrong choice. You may find that in the company of your master-" (this term was used mockingly) "-or the Death Eaters, Regulus will flee in terror and come back to the Good Side."_

Bellatrix scoffed, "He may be a coward, Sirius, but even he would choose the Dark Lord over death!" And with that, she pulled Regulus through the door, out into the bursting sunlight.

In his new cell, Sirius looked across at his cousin, Bellatrix Black.

"Fancy seeing a Blood Traitor such as yourself in here, Sirius." She said. "I guess you finally joined the Good Fight after all, and by killing your own best friend…. I knew the Black in you was going to surface someday, cousin."


	20. Prisoners of Azkaban

**Disclaimer: Same as always. I'm not JK Rowling, nor do I claim to be, nor would I ever take claim for what she's created. Simply put, the only thing here mine is some of the ideas and all of the wording.**

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"It's just too bad you surfaced when the dark Lord was destroyed by that Half Blood brat."

Sirius regarded Bellatrix for a second before he answered, "His name is Harry, if you mean James and Lily's song."

"That's the one. When the time comes, though, I'll kill him for taking out master away from us. Potter will not be permitted to live for what he did."

Sirius, who, although he knew that Bellatrix and himself were completely different, thought that it would at least be nice to have someone from his past to maybe help explain things. He wasn't sure how much Bellatrix knew of his betrayal, but he sincerely hoped that the blood the shared would be enough to allow both of them to get along. In regards to Harry though, he couldn't think of anything decent to say.

"He's my God-son, you know."

"Really? Why, that's even more devious, dear cousin! I suppose you made an Unbreakable Vow to project him by all means… Well… I'll just have to wait until you can't protect him…" She finally trailed off, realizing that she'd been talking mostly to herself.

Finally, Sirius found something better to say, "Where's Regulus? Did the Ministry catch him as well?"

Bellatrix looked at him suddenly, "You don't know?"

"Well, I might, but…"

"I didn't think Dumbledore was serious when he warned me to tell you nothing because you'd forgotten everything."

"It's not that hard of a thing to believe, you know!" Sirius roared.

"Well, of course it's not, but to think that you… Never mind."

There was an awkward silence between the two Blacks, marred only by the inaudible din made from the hundreds of other inmates of Azkaban.

Finally, Sirius broke the silence, "What about Regulus?" He asked, hopefully thinking that his younger brother would have turned his back on the Dark Side, and joined with the Order, what that was.

Bellatrix lowered her head, speaking to the floor, "He's dead, Sirius."

Sirius, who had begun to pace his new cell, stopped dead in his tracks, and with the sudden halt tripped and went sprawling face first into his cell door. "What?" He asked, sounding as equally sad as he did shocked, his face stuck between to bars.

"Dead. He's dead." She looked up woefully, an apologetic gleam in her eyes.

"How'd it happen?" Was all Sirius could manage to say.

"Well, he… You were right, you know. That day you found out we'd both become Death Eaters, joined with Voldemort. You probably don't remember, but you were right, he did." She was silent a while longer, before continuing. "He got in over his head, something about making your parents proud. Anyway," she shook her head, "he just couldn't handle it. I knew no good could come from his leaving, but he was so scared that he wasn't thinking rationally… That was the last time I ever saw him. Several days later, his body was found…" She finished her tail with a sniffle.

"Who killed him? It wasn't some from the Order, was it?"

Bellatrix looked at Sirius in shock, "You remember the Order? I thought you-"

Sirius curtly cut her off, "Forgot everything? I did. Some of it's come back to me. All I know is that I was in the Order and I, or I thought I did, opposed the Dark Side."

Bellatrix surveyed him, as though trying to detect a lie on his face, but evidentially couldn't, as she began to explain. "You did, you were always against the Dark Lord, and even before that you never wanted anything to do with our family. You were a Blood Traitor, and you were proud of that. Or, so we all thought. I, along with the rest of the world, was shocked to learn what you'd done.

"It was brilliant of you, though, of course. Pretending for your whole life to be a Blood Traitor, and none of us even suspected your true colors… You truly must have been in Lord Voldemort's highest favor, because none of us Death Eaters even knew that you were acting with him, and I am held quite high in his honor, Sirius. I had though that there were none higher, more privileged, than myself, **Rodolphus**, Severus and Lucius. Needless to say, it's a great honor to be in your presence."

Sirius hadn't heard the compliment though; he had instantly been transformed into a man filled with rage at the mention of the name Severus. "Severus? Severus Snape?" He spat, "That bastard's here?"

Bellatrix looked thoroughly taken back, "Sirius! You shouldn't talk of your fellow Death Eaters like that! They – that is to say, we – are like family. There are none in the world who's love you now, the companionship of us Death Eaters is all that you have left. Do not talk like that towards the people who fight with you."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "From what I remember, Snape and I hated each other at school, and it wasn't the sort of loath that could go away just because we've been united under the same leader and are branded by the same tattoo!"

Although it sounded like it might have become a rather heated discussion, neither of the cousins said anything more on the subject, and the silence between them grew until Sirius thought it could have been sliced by a knife.

Bellatrix seemed to like the silence the least, and spoke out, "He wasn't killed by members of the Order, it was Death Eaters… Rudolph's , actually… I'll never forgive him that, even though I know he was only acting on our Lord's orders…"

Sirius, who suspected that her never forgiving Rodolphus was a bigger issue than she was letting on, raised his eyebrows in a quizzical manner, still to rallied up about Snape to talk.

"Well, yes, I suppose, you've forgotten then… Or, maybe you never knew, we haven't talked since you found out that Regulus and I had joined with Lord Voldemort. You mentioned Rodolphus that day, you know?" She stopped, giving Sirius and almost apologetic look, as if it was her fault he forget everything.

"I remember that conversation, Bellatrix."

The looked on her face was swiftly replaced by one of shock. "Oh… Well… Anyway… Rodolphus and I got married shortly after that. I went back to the house and told your mother, but you were gone by then, of course.

"I think she – your mother – was very bitter about you, and how you turned out, you know, so I didn't ask her to tell you, in case it upset her that you'd left… But if she could see you now, oh, Sirius!"

Sirius, who probably would have found her relentless babble annoying had he remembered any of this, sat back and let her ramble on.

"But you wouldn't remember her, would you? Never mind that right now. It's just good to see you. I've missed you so much, you know? But I mean, we went our separate ways, as you well know from that conversation you said you remember.

"You know, I was surprised that day. You came 'round the house, just to talk to me, convince me to go into hiding with you. How you knew I was visiting is beyond me, but all the same, there you were, standing at the front door stoop when your mum opened it. She almost died of shock, you know. I suspect it was the first time you'd been to the house since you moved out years before when you were, what was that, fifteen?

Anyway, you chased me down, and we talked. But you remember that, don't you? What shocked me though, was that you told me to leave your house… It wasn't your house and it hadn't been for years. I figured in your anger you just said it, a slip of the tongue. But, I always just found that weird, you know…

But all the same, you went off with the Order, and with the Dark Lord. Of course, you won't remember the Order. We'll, I'll not be much help to you there, you know. All I know about it is that was a group who fought against Lord Voldemort… Dumbledore led it, I think… But, that didn't matter, you know. We – the Death Eaters – always had the members out numbered. It's a wonder that any of them survived, actually…"

Sirius studied her silently as she plowed on about the members and the Death Eaters, thinking of the moment that, with her help, would come when he would remember everything.

He smiled, thinking that everything might be all right eventually.

* * *

A/N: You know, I love when people give reviews when they read ) 


	21. Andromeda

_The young girl squirmed in Sirius's hands, clawing desperately at his arms in an attempt to get him to release her. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed silently, her face contorted with trepidation and horror._

_Sirius dropped her to the floor, and she bounded up and tried to run. Before she could make it anywhere, Sirius had whipped his right hand around her throat, and slammed her body against he wall, pinning her there. _

_"That's very bad of you, you know." Sirius hissed through yellowing teeth. _

_He kept his gray eyes on her, as she watched him feeling about on the end table with his left hand. He snarled at her, while shaking masses of dirty, black hair from his face, exposing a large, jagged, lightning shaped scare running down his right cheek._

_The girl tore her eyes away from his hardened face to risk a glance at the end table he was rooting about on._

_As her sight fell on the table though, she closed her eyes immediately and turned her head to the left._

_Sirius laughed at her; a cold, heartless laugh, "Aye, lassie, that's what you'll get if you don't answer all of my questions and do everything I ask of you."_

_Then, someone standing to Sirius' brushed the hair off of the face of the girl. "That'll do, Andromeda. Listen to you big cousin and no harm will come to you."_

_Sirius looked to his left, into the deadened eyes of his cousin, Bellatrix Black. "Get out of here, Bellatrix, I told you can I do it on my own."_

_Bellatrix merely shrugged her shoulders and walked from the room, calling back, "Don't be afraid, Andromeda, Sirius is very skilled, you'll hardly feel it at all, and you'll be dead in seconds."_

_Sirius turned back to the girl, Andromeda, to find her staring into his eyes._

_"Why are you doing this, Sirius?" She asked, her voice full of spite, though her fear was still evident. "Why turn you back on all your friends, just to please Bellatrix? She's never been there for you like they have, like I have!"_

_Sirius shook his head, and turned back to the end table, picking something up before looking back to Andromeda, who he still had pressed against the wall._

_"Where did the scar come from, Sirius?"_

_"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius growled, making his fingers press tighter on her young, delicate throat._

_"The one on your cheek," she said, reaching out to brush her fingers over the scar._

_Sirius snapped back his head and glared at her with loathing, "Don't touch me, girl."_

_"We're family, Sirius. Would you truly do this to me?"_

_Sirius turned his head to the left, and pushed something against her stomach. "Do you know what's behind there?"_

_"Behind where?" Andromeda asked, fresh tears spilling from her eyes, as, in terror, she registered that it was a knife Sirius has pushed against her abdomen._

_"Behind your belly button." Sirius snapped, his upper lip twitching in anger and impatience._

_"No," Andromeda sniffled, "why?"_

_"Because whatever it is, it will hurt like hell when I drive this knife into it!" _

_Sirius pushed a little harder on the knife, and Andromeda gasped; "Don't! Please, don't! I'll do anything! Anything you want, tell you anything you need to know! Please, don't kill me!"_

_Sirius, lip still twitching, eyes changing from gray to black, dropped the girl, and turned his back on her. He could hear her sobbing into her hands, as she tried to remain standing up._

_Bellatrix was standing at the back of the room, now looking straight into Sirius' eyes, evidentially having slipped back into the room without him noticing. She shook her head at him and muttered, "You are a shame to the name Black, Sirius."_

_Sirius took a deep breath, and looked straight at her, filling with rage at what she'd said. "I do not shame our family!" He roared, and turned to Andromeda, who barely had time to register Sirius running at her before he was directly against her._

_"Sirius," she gasped, finding it difficult to breathe, "please don't."_

_Sirius stepped back, a look or pure horror in his eyes, as he looked down. "I'm sorry," he muttered, as he stumbled backwards, "I'm sorry, it was…"_

_Andromeda slid down the wall, smiling, "I forgive you for kidnapping me, you don't need to apologize, Sirius."_

_He shook his head, "That's not what I was apologizing for." He said with tears in his eyes, "That's not what I was apologizing for." He repeated._

_Bellatrix placed her hand on Sirius' shoulder, "We're done here, we'll leave her for her family now."_

_"We are her family." Sirius muttered to himself._

_Bellatrix pulled Sirius to his feet, and the two left the room, leaving Andromeda lying dead against the wall, a Black family crested knife plunged in her heart._

In his cell, Sirius shot up, shivering in the cold night air, drenched with sweat. Since Bellatrix had arrived in Azkaban, it wasn't the first time he'd had the dream of killing Andromeda, and he suspected it would be the last.

Though he'd had the dream countless times, the shock was also so real when he woke up. He could always still feel the knife in his hands, and see the tears of fear in his cousin's eyes. But most of all, he always felt the pure guilt over the fact that, in the dream, he didn't care that he'd killed a family member.

"Sirius, are you alright?"

Sirius looked up to see Bellatrix looking at him in worry. "Yeah, shouldn't I be?"

"You haven't been sleeping well lately, is all."

"Just a dream, Bella, just a dream."

"Tell me about it."

"No," he said, shaking his head, "I can't."

"Sirius, maybe I can help."

"You can't, no one can!"

"Sirius, talk to me!" Bellatrix screamed across the cellblock.

Suddenly, Sirius whipped his head and closed his eyes, desperately clawing onto the cell door to keep from falling over, as hidden images from his past began to play out before his eyes. He let go of the door, and fell back against the wall.

"Sirius!" Bellatrix shrieked, "Sirius, are you alright!"

Shaking uncontrollably, his right hand over his face, with fingers jerking in agony, he rasped out, "Shut up, Bella…"

_In the Ministry of Magic, Sirius walked from the trial room, bound in shackles around his ankles and wrists. He caught a glimpse of Remus in the crowd with reddened eyes. Sirius wanted to call out to him, but Dumbledore had walked to Remus' side and was urging him away from the procession leading from the stone room._

_Suddenly, a black haired woman flew from the crowd, tears flowing freely down her face. She stopped several feet in front of Sirius and pulled several objects from her robes, throwing them on the floor in front of Sirius._

_Sirius looked down, and saw himself staring into the faces of James and Lily._

_"How can you pretend like you don't remember them, Sirius? Your best friend, his wife? Sirius, talk to me! How can you walk out of the trial claiming that you don't know them, and that you have no idea how they ended up dead? You're no better than the rest of the family, Sirius. And all these years, all the God damn years, I thought you were different, I thought you were better than them!"_

_The woman flew into Sirius and started beating him with her fists. Dumbledore stepped up and pulled her back, "Now, now, Andromeda, he's hurt everyone. You've got to let him suffer in Azkaban, where he belongs."_

_Andromeda stopped punching, and pushed Dumbledore off her. She shook her head and stepped back up to Sirius, the crowd watching her every move. She pulled Sirius into a prolonged hug, squeezing her arms around his chest and arms with all her strength._

_"Fuck you," she whispered into his chest, "fuck you. I hope you rot in Azkaban, and not only for killing them, but for pretending that you have no idea who they are, or who I am even. Fuck you." She finished, and stepped back, "James and Lily didn't deserve to know you, not someone who's a murderer like you."_

_She walked away and fell into Remus' arms, sobbing. "How could he do it, Remus, how could he kill his best friends? How does any person, even a Black, stoop so low as to kill their best friend?"_

_"I don't know..." Remus answered in an undertone, his eyes on Sirius._

At the present, in his cell, Sirius sat with his shackled hands over his face, crouched in the fetal position, tears freely spilling between his fingers, as he wept for the end of his innocence, and the beginning of his unsurpassed guilt over killing two of the people who'd meant the most to him in life.


End file.
